Xiara esta, ta Fira xi Pt II
by D. Destiny
Summary: Chapter 34 up; feedback still very much welcome (Thanks for the feedback already given everyone, of course. It is so very much appreciated :)), both positive and negative.
1. Disclaimers & Notes

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**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Xiara esta, ta Fira xi Part II~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

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By:                   D. Destiny

Pairing:             T/R, T/Thomas. P/C, Thomas/f, m/f

Rating:             PG-13 for the first couple of chapters, R for later ones.

Author's Note:   _Xiara_ esta, ta Fira xi_ is a two-part story. The first part, with a total of 117 pages, is a must-read if you're going to start this sequel._

Please beware that I'm not a native English speaker, the computer can take out a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes, but I'm sure many are still lurking around.

Disclaimers:      Backgrounds used for this story I have borrowed from _Xiara__ I and from the backgrounds provided to us throughout the TNG-series and movies, as well as from the novel _Imzadi___ I by __Peter Davids. Some facts have been either ignored for the sake of the story or simply forgotten; I hope you will be able to overlook this._

Special thanks to: Kathy and all the other persons ever to send me feedback and for encouraging me the way they have. 

WARNING:       I started this story (and finished a large part of it) before becoming aware of he plotlines Berman, Logan and Spiner had thought out for Nemesis. I debated for a while over the possibility of making this story end where _Nemesis begins, but decided against that._

I'm sorry it took me so long to start posting the second part, I can blame it only on low inspiration considering this storyline in particular. Because of that, this story is still a Work in Progress, though I do have good hopes of finishing it.

As my writing skills have improved (and hopefully still are improving) I find myself less and less satisfied with Xiara's first part and hope the second part will be better in writing style :)


	2. Prologue

**Prologue******

Grumbling in his sleep, Riker turned on his side, something or perhaps someone was trying to pull him into consciousness, but for now he refused to give in. Objecting again, he now turned onto his stomach and unconsciously pulled the sheets off of the woman sleeping next to him. As the pull became stronger Will eventually stopped resisting and slowly gave in to waking up. With a bit of a struggle he managed to open his eyes.

Blackness surrounded him, depriving him of any vision at all. Still drowsy from sleep he slowly sat up, rubbing his hand through his tousled hair in an absent gesture. "Hello?" The loudness of his own voice piercing to the air around him startled him to full awareness. When the echoes of his own voice had died away he concentrated on picking up even the slightest or difference in shade of blackness.

Something was pulling him ahead, this force even stronger than the one that had woken him. Yet each time he tried to focus on it, it disappeared. He kept walking, however cautious and gradual. Then, after a dozen steps, he could hear faint noises in the background and with each step he took the noises became louder and louder.

After yet another dozen of steps he could identify them as screams of women, but apart from the overclear "NO" he wasn't able to make out their words. And still the pull kept luring him ahead. In the distance a tiny sparkle of light became visible, growing with each of his steps. The amount of time that had passed would suggest that he had already walked several miles, but he felt no exhaustion, not even a slight twinge of tiredness.

He could now see that the light was blue and within the round bundle there was a shadow. The air around him grew threatening and heavy, pressing upon his shoulders with the unspoken fear and terror that hid among the oxygen he so needed to breathe. His ears were still being tortured by the horrified screams that shrieked all around him. And yet, despite the panic rising within him, he kept walking.

As he got closer to the light, the screams became clearer and the voices seemed to resemble each other more and more, eventually merging into one. "NO! Please! Stop it!" His heart skipped a beat and suddenly, everywhere around him, eyes black as coal appeared and disappeared, flickering into and out of existence in the blink of an eye.

And still he kept walking.

In the bundle of blue light his eyes now recognized the curled-up shape of a humanoid, his explorer-instinct surfaced and he quickened his steps. The coal black eyes were replaced by luminous green ones, magically lightening his way, were it very faintly. The static that had been laced through the screams went silent and a nano-second later the screams themselves fell away as well.

Confused and suddenly feeling very self-conscious Will stopped and spun a circle; apart from the single burst of light, everything was dark and quiet. Then he heard someone sobbing so quietly he almost missed it. The figure framed in the light was shaking gently, urging him to continue his walk. Then, just as he had gotten used to the silence, a blood-hurling scream pierced through the air with a vengeance, "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" 

He recognized the voice instantly and for a second felt as if the Enterprise had dropped out of orbit and fallen right on top of him. "DEANNA!!!"

But there was no reply. He sped up his steps until he was running as fast as he could. The figure in the light became clearer and was without a doubt that of a woman. The wild flow of curls that was projected meant only one thing to him. Deanna.

"Deanna?" A slight tilt of her head told him she'd hear him and with renewed effort he ran towards her. He was so close, just five feet away from her when she lifted up her head and opened her eyes. Flames shot out the green gems and missed him by barely an inch. "Stay away from me." Her voice held a dangerous quality he had never heard before and it scared the hell out of hi. Nonetheless he approached her further.

"Deanna? It's me, Will."

"Go away." He could tell by her voice that she was pleading now, for some reason she was scared for --or off-- him. Looking closer at her face he gasped when he saw the cuts and bruises on her pale skin on the one half of her face lightened well enough for him to see that she was bleeding and crying. The way she sat there remind him of the rabbit he'd found when still living in Valdez; the white-furred animal had been grabbed by a predator but released before it had died. It's beautiful white coat had been stained with blood by the time Will had found it hiding in the hollow of a tree. It's dark eyes bright with terror and pain, much like Troi's now.

"Dea? What's happening? How did you get hurt?" Anger and fear burned in her eyes, but she stayed silent. Accusing him, yet pleading for his help. "Deanna, listen to me! Tell me what's happening, I want to help you!"

"Will?" Her quiet whisper surprised him, it was as if she only now realized who he was.

"Yes Imzadi, I'm here to help you."

To his utter confusion she shook her head, sending black curls flying about. "No, no, he'll kill you! You have to go."

"Who will kill me?" 

She crawled to her feet and nervously glanced around before answering him. "You have to go now, he's coming."

"Come with me then!" The flimsy, torn robe she wore couldn't prevent him from seeing the injuries that covered her entire body. She had been hit, cut with a sharp object and he could even make out several burns. The remains of humans bites had marred the skin of her torso and stains of blood created a horrible pattern on the fabric that hung over her shoulders. She couldn't even stand without winching and trembling.

"I ca--I can't," she whispered, "this is my doom." The words he wanted to say never left his throat as a hand came up behind her. He tried to warn her, he tried to yell at her, but he couldn't make a sound. Until the hand seized her mouth from behind and drew her back into the darkness.

"DEANNA!!!"

Riker flew upright in bed, drops of sweat rolling down his forehead and face, smoothing his bare chest. His scream of horror rang through the house and woke-up his bedmate who immediately knew what was happening. "you dreamed of her again," she accused coldly, "that's it! That's the drop! I want you out of this house by tomorrow evening!" Angrily Lyana hopped off the bed and stormed out the room. "Sister, my ass!" she grumbled under her breath.


	3. Chapter Twenty Six Doctors and FO's

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It took way longer than I intended to send this one out, and I'm terribly sorry for that *hangs head in shame* I promise to post another chapter as soon as I get back J

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**Chapter Twenty Six: Doctors and First Officers**

_Two months after _Xiara pt I_…_**__**

"Number One, will you -please- sit down?" For the past ten minutes Will Riker had been circling the Bridge of the Enterprise-E and with that driving most of his fellow officers insane. The First Officer didn't seem to acknowledge the request of his CO, but after yet another round he did take a seat, much to the relief of the crew.

"Data, ETA?"

"Six hours and twenty-six minutes Commander." Restless Riker shifted in his chair. He had been back on the Enterprise for a month now and he had done nothing but worrying about Deanna.

_One month earlier..__._

_Will Riker walked through the empty streets of the main city of __Ryara__ I_'s___ most southern continent. _

_The warm sun strands caressing his bared back and arms as he carried two bags to the meeting point in the woods just outside the city. In thirty minutes the __Enterprise__ would pick him up just there, beaming him home after having lived for nine months on the colorful planet._

_His relationship with the beautiful native woman Lyana had stranded not long after his dreams about Deanna Troi had started. She had come to realize that Deanna meant more to him then she ever would and therefore ended their relationship. To proud to return to the __Enterprise__ immediately Riker had pursued an apartment in the capital city of the southern continent and had worked as an technician while waiting till the full nine moths had passed._

_After a short interlude the dreams about Deanna had once again begun, this time even more frightening than the last. He hardly slept anymore and spent hours trying to figure out what the dreams meant, but to no avail. One night he'd have nightmares, the next the dream would be so realistic and erotic that he'd wake up, drenched in sweat and positive that she was lying naked next to him._

_He couldn't wait to see her again. Finally he had gathered enough courage to tell her how he felt, how much he loved her and how badly he needed to be with her._

_When he arrived at the meeting point there was a young male Starfleet Commander waiting for him. "Commander Riker of the __Enterprise__?"__ Will grinned freely; he really had missed his life between the stars. He wondered if this young man would be the one Picard had chosen to replace him during his shore leave._

_"Yes Commander."_

_"Terrific, I am Commander Tilo Tralp, First Officer of the USS Europe." Riker eyes shot around in confusion._

_"The USS Europe?__ I was under the impression the __Enterprise__ would pick me up?" Tilo's face briefly showed a hint of sadness as he explained._

_"The __Enterprise__ is currently on a rescue mission, they could not afford the time to pick you up Sir." Curious as he was Will had the questions ready in his mind, but before he could ask anything the younger officer asked him to keep the questions to himself, at least until they were beamed up. Riker nodded his understanding as Tilo tapped his CommBadge and requested for beam-out._

_They materialized in the Transporter Room of the Interprid Class USS Europe and after greeting the officer behind the conn Tilo lead the __Enterprise__ officer to the Ready Room of his Captain. _

_Will froze in his steps as his eyes met those of the woman behind the desk. A small grin played across her face as she stood up, all the time holding his gaze with her ice-blue eyes. "Commander Riker, welcome onboard the __Europe__."_

_Recovered from the initial shock Will flashed her a patented Riker grin and accepted her held-out hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you again *Captain* __Shelby__."_

_~*+*~_

_He had tried to obtain more information on the __Enterprise__'s current rescue mission, but Captain Shelby refused to give him any, stating Captain Picard would inform him once he was back on the __Enterprise__, which was four days later._

_Riker was surprised as, besides the Europe, there were apparently two other vessels rendezvousing with the flagship: the USS Hood and the USS Voyager. It wasn't a common sight; four Starfleet vessels facing each other. Obviously, this rescue mission was of great importance to Starfleet._

_Saying good bye to Shelby and her First Officer he was transported to the __Enterprise__, where he was welcome by....well, by no one._

_Basically on instinct Will headed for the Bridge, impatient to see his friends again. The situation he encountered on the Bridge however was not quite like the one he'd expected._

_"Doctor Pulaski will transport to your vessel in five minutes Picard. Good luck in rescuing your First Officer, Captain Littlejohn out." The stern face of the dark-skinned human disappeared from the large viewscreen and was instantly replaced by that of Admiral Kathryn Janeway._

_"Admiral," respectfully Jean-Luc bowed his head slightly "I assume you have received the data my Operations Officer send you?" On the screen the Admiral nodded the confirmation and Riker couldn't help but notice that she once again had changed her hairstyle, something Janeway was famous for throughout the Galaxy._

_"My Senior Staff is currently studying so we can give you our best."_

_"I appreciate that Sir, when will you be ready to leave?"_

_"Jean-Luc, you are in charge of this mission, we are ready to leave at your command." In surprise Will shifted his gaze from the Admiral's face to Picard's bald head several times. His curiosity to who they were out to rescue grew. It was very rarely that an Admiral would be so involved in a mission, much less be under the command of someone lower in rank._

_"Acknowledged Admiral, the __Enterprise__ will leave in approximately thirty minutes." This time Admiral Janeway bowed her head respectfully as she said her last words before terminating the link. "Good hunt Captain."_

_All the time during the conversations between his superiors Riker hadn't moved and from where he stood, not far from the Turbolift, he could hear Picard's tired sigh. Just when he begun his way down the Turbolift's doors behind him reopened and Kate Pulaski accessed the Bridge. She passed him before he was even half way down. 'Kate? What is she doing here?'_

_At the sight of his old friend Picard rose to his feet and hugged the Doctor tightly. "Welcome back onboard Doctor."_

_"Thank you Jean-Luc, I only wish it wasn't for these reasons." The two sadly smiled before they started heading to the Observation Lounge._

_"Mr. Data, have Doctor Crusher and Commander Riker report to the Observation Lounge as soon as they are available."_

_"Aye Captain."__ Instead of speaking up and informing his friends that he was already on the Bridge, Riker decided to just follow them into the Observation Lounge._

_"Doctor Crusher, please report to the Observation Lounge." Will smiled slightly as he realized he'd even missed Data's unemotional voice._

_On my way. Hearing __Beverly__'s voice he recalled how often they'd had an argument about him either staying or leaving Sickbay, he really was home again. _

~*+*~__

Riker glanced around the Bridge, the Captain was having dinner with his wife and since he had nothing better to do Will had volunteered to take over the Bridge. 'Back for a month, and still I'm not home', he thought ruefully. No where would he be home as long as Deanna wasn't at his side, he had come to realize that not too long ago.

_~*+*~_

_Anxiously Riker entered the Observation Lounge in the wake of Doctor Pulaski and an obviously worried Captain. It was only when Picard turned around that they realized he was there._

_"Number One," there was far more enthusiasm in Picard's voice then Riker had expected, "I hadn't expected you yet. Welcome back." Jean-Luc smiled broadly and when he moved to hug his Second in Command, the latter more than simply surprised._

_"Thank you Captain, it feels good to be back among the stars." Jean-Luc nodded his agreement and motioned Will to take a seat. Kate Pulaski threw the bald man a quizzical look after having said the Commander hello._

_"Will just returned from a nine month shore leave, he isn't aware of the situation yet." Kate's eyes widened for an instant, then she shook her head sadly and threw the First Officer a pitying look. These actions only served to feed Riker's curiosity, but for the first time a faint sense of concern manifested itself._

_"Quite right.__ This mission is obviously very important. I was hoping to be informed now?" Very quickly the two older officers exchanged looks, their silent communication worrying Will even more._

_"We'll wait for __Beverly__ first."_

_Jean-Luc pondered over how Riker would react to the changes there had been since his departure nine months earlier, not the least of which had lead to Deanna Troi's current captivity and the Enterprise's hunt to rescue her. But there was also his marriage with the ship's CMO and, perhaps more visible, her pregnancy. "Well," he decided, remembering the words of a cherished friend, "the best way out is through."_

_Four minutes had passed since they'd started their wait for Doctor Crusher. The time they had spend chit-chatting about Kate's assignments the past several years while she, of course, wanted to know what had happened onboard the __Enterprise__.___

_They had just started to ask Will about his shore leave, when to his relief the doors opened. He stood up to greet his friend, not quite prepared for the transformation she'd undergone.._

_Surprise registered on his face and his greeting died in his throat as his eyes fell on her bulging belly, unquestionably home to a little Crusher. Beverly's face, on the other hand, lit up with joy when her eyes registered the tall and bearded man whom she'd put back together more time than she could remember._

_She waggled --one could hardly call it walking anymore, she had confided to her husband-- towards him with her arms widely spread. "Will! You're back, oh it's great to see you again! And you look good too!"_

_Picard__ grinned as his wife hugged the dumbfounded younger man. He was glad to see her ' worry-lines' --as he affectionately called them-- disappear for a couple of moments. Released from the Doctor's hold Riker practically fell back into his chair. "Be--__Beverly__, you're..."_

_"Pregnant, yes."__ Beverly finished his sentence with a tender smile on her face, of her previous enthusiasm was no trace left._

_"Well…erm...congratulations then." She managed a weak smile despite her sudden sadness, for she had realized that Jean-Luc had invited Will into the meeting to inform him about Deanna. Jean-Luc rose up from his chair, kissed her tenderly on her cheek and guided her to her seat. _

_Grinningly Doctor Pulaski advised Riker to close his mouth, which he did only to open it an instant later. "You two," he shifted his gaze from his CMO to his Captain and back, "are together?"_

_"Married actually."__Beverly__ stated matter-of-factly as she showed him the solid band of gold around her ring finger. _

_This time Will recovered quicker from the news than he had before, he extended his hand first to Mr. Picard and then to Mrs. Picard, congratulating them genuinely on their marriage and child. Picard seemed more than willing to wait for everyone to settle back in their seats. He had no idea how to break the news about Deanna to Will and although Doctor Pulaski had more information than the Commander he was quite sure she too would be shocked._

_Beverly placed a re-assuring hand over that of her husband, knowing that this meeting would be one of the most difficult ones they'd ever had. Jean-Luc looked at her with eyes filled with gratitude and anxiety, then he took a deep breath and began._

_"The Hydra has been spotted near the Cardessian boarder; it will take us three weeks to get there. Star Station Deep Space Nine will keep track of the vessel as long as possible. The U.S.S Voyager will accompany us in case we'll be forced to face battle." Nervous Picard glanced from one officer to the other. His eyes briefly met the questioning ones of his just returned First Officer, but her couldn't brin himself to look at them for longer than a second._

_"Starfleet Command has made this mission top priority..." He paused for a few seconds before revealing the identity of the missing officer to Commander Riker. "...Deanna Troi *must* be rescued."_

_Picard__ had spoken with such a stern finite that it took Riker a few moments longer to realize what he had just been told. But when the name of the person Starfleet so desperately wanted to rescue penetrated his clouded mind he could not contain the gasp of horror that fled from his throat. "De--Deanna?!" For a moment he entertained the thought, the hope, they were joking, but the compassion and worry that was written all over the faces of his friends forced him to face reality: they were not joking. His precious Deanna, his Imzadi was being held captive._

_The others present in the Lounge allowed him all the time his mind needed to fully comprehend what the Captain's words meant. As he did a fear like he had never felt before gripped his throat, almost preventing him to breath._

_As soon as the hold on the fear had on him lessened he spit out the questions that were swirling around in his head. "What?! How? Why? By whom?" Wide-eyed he stared at his CO and his wife, his blue gaze begging them for answers. _

_This time it was Beverly who spoke. "You'll be informed about what you need to know, for now we'll have to discuss our strategy." Quizzically Riker locked his eyes on __Beverly__, confused by the unusual harsh and strict tone in her voice, his eyes however basically *demanded* her to explain, but the red-head didn't yield under his gaze._

_She looked at Picard, almost as if asking his permission. When he nodded ever so slightly she took a deep breath, managed to stand up and walked --or waggled-- to the viewscreen. She touched the panel next to it and a colorful schematic of Deanna's medical file appeared._

_"We have no idea shape she is --or will be-- in." The tone in the Doctor's voice was regretful and sad; obviously she didn't have much confidence in Troi's well-being. "But because of the possible damage," Jean-Luc continued, "a minimal Away Team will beam down, two people at most."_

_"Captain, I'd..." Before Riker could finish his request Picard raised his hand and cut him off._

_"Negative Number One, Mr. Data and Lieutenant Fko will go." Will was going to protest but the sharp look __Beverly__ shot him made him hold back his comments, for now. "Doctor Pulaski, Doctor Crusher will guide you through Counselor Troi's medical file should the need arise for you to assist Doctor Crusher during an operating or perhaps even completely take over." For a brief second Crusher's eyes flashed with regret and anger, but she managed to hide it just as soon._

_Kate reached out to her colleague and ensuring squeezed her hand reassuringly. "She'll be fine, you'll see." Riker's concern grew as he saw Crusher's weak, totally unconvincing smile. 'What's so worrying about this?' he questioned himself. All of them had had their share of kidnaps and rescue mission's, but never had he seen his Captain so worried, unsure and helpless._

_"If you'll excuse us now ladies..." Jean-Luc stood up and motioned the younger man to follow him._

_With his heart beating rapidly in his throat Will followed the older bald man, he couldn't remember a time he had even been so nervous or worried. He wanted to grab Picard's collar and shake him until he'd answered all of his questions, but as most of the time he managed to control himself._

_Once inside the Ready Room Riker sat down and waited until the older man had composed his thoughts and sat down as well. The latter Will saw as a sign for him to finally voice his questions. "Captain, what lead to the Counselor's kidnapping and who kidnapped her?"_

_"What lead to Deanna's kidnap?" Slowly Jean-Luc repeated the question, putting emphasis on each single word. "Where to start?"_

_"The beginning Sir." Again the older man regarded his companion thoughtfully. He had discussed what to tell and what not to tell Riker extensively, but still he had his doubts._

_"All right."__ Will sighed relieved, finally he would get some answers, or so he hoped. "Four months after you departed an Away Team lead by Deanna beamed down to the planet Pklira Prime." Seeing the surprise register on the face of his XO he explained. "Yes, Deanna took over your duties." Riker opened his mouth to comment, but closed it before ever making a sound and waited for Picard to continue._

_"After two days on the planet we were attacked by two members of an interstellar terrorist organization. Deanna managed to save the planet's Prime Minister and myself..." Jean-Luc swallowed almost unnoticeable before he continued. "...by throwing her CommBadge to the Minister, thereby having him beamed up, but staying behind herself._

_Again the Captain of the __Enterprise__ paused, making Riker wonder how he'd be able to keep himself under control if his superior would keep throwing in those damn breaks! "After four days Troi escaped and returned to the ship." Will sighed of relief but immediately realized there was more t the story, for Deanna was missing again. "Her injuries were severe and it took almost a month before she fit to return to duty."_

_Will let the information wash over him. His impression now remained blanc as he could only imagine the horror his Imzadi had been through. "We spend several months hunting the leader of the organization which members had kidnapped Troi, drawing on the information Deanna provided." Deliberately he left out *how* Troi had gained that that information in the first place, both he and his wife had agreed that Deanna was the only one who had the right to do that._

_"A month ago we finally found their 'flagship'. Data, Counselor Troi and Lieutenant Fko beamed over to the ship." Once again Picard paused and locked his eyes on the blue gaze of the man across him. Unconsciously Riker clenched his hands into fists, why couldn't the Captain just continue without those nerve-wrenching breaks?!_

_~*+*~_

_"My god, I'm not even sure I believe this." Doctor Kate Pulaski stared at the viewscreen in front of her. On the other side of the table Beverly Picard sadly shook her head. "I didn't believe it either. God Kate, you should've seen her. She looked like she'd been hiking around a forest for days. Her hair filthy and tangled, cuts and bruises all over her body." The two doctors silently studied the files displayed on the viewscreen, neither of them sure what to say or do._

_"All right," taking a deep breath Kate broke the silence hanging between her and Beverly, "what do you think we should expect when she's rescued?" If possible __Beverly__'s features became even darker, her eyes even sadder._

_"The worst.__ They experimented on her the first time, there's no reason for them not to continue those experiments, if anything they'll be more specific and therefore carry greater consequences." Kate found herself agreeing with the younger woman's words and lowered her eyes to the table, almost as if she was ashamed._

_"Also," the redhead continued her voice now barely a whisper "it's quite possible she'll have her full defenses up." At this Pulaski raised her head and locked her eyes on the woman across the table._

_"You think she'll have those 'phoenix-powers' again?" Slowly Crusher nodded._

_"Yes, if the ones who are holding her treat her like they did last time I believe so."_

_"But don't they know what'll happen to her? Don't they know that she'll be able to kill them with a single thought?" Judging by the look in Crusher's eyes she had obviously expected that question, and her reply was quick and logical._

_"Not likely, we arrested all the persons who had to do with her first captivity." Again Kate nodded in agreement._

_"All right, so what will we do next?" __Beverly__ smiled at her colleagues attempt to sound optimistic and ordered the computer to turn the viewscreen off._

_"I'll take you through the treatment I gave Deanna last time and we'll familiarize ourselves best we can with Betazoid/Human physiology." Quickly __Beverly__ inserted some order in the panel build in in the conference table they were sitting at. "I just copied Deanna's complete medical file, plus our database on half Betazoid, half Human physiology and send it to your temporary office." Kate nodded her understanding and stood up._

_"In that case, I think I'd better go and study." __Beverly__ responded to the elder woman's smile with one of her own, but her eyes remained filled with sadness and resignation. She didn't belief for one bit Deanna's injuries would be less severe than last time. She couldn't explain why not and she hated herself for it, but nonetheless, the feeling *was* there and she couldn't get it out of her mind. Absently she let her hand trail down to her abdomen where it tenderly caressed her swollen belly, instinctively soothing the child growing there. Would her son or daughter ever have the opportunity to come to know his or her mother's best friend?_


	4. Chapter Twenty Seven Welcome Home

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Thank you all for the encouraging reviews ;) I switched the rating from PG-13 to R for disturbing scenes. One chapter will be uploaded a week (on Fridays) I hope you'll enjoy the story (for as much as 'enjoying' is a correct word in this context…) and please, think of me every now and then and review? *sweet smile*

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**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Welcome Home**

The Present...

"Data...?" Before he could finish his question the android already answered. "Seven minutes Commander." For a second Riker's eyes remained on the back of Data's head. Was that sarcasm in his voice? Unconsciously he admitted that he'd asked the same question at least twenty times since he'd returned to the Bridge from lunch, which had been just over thirty minutes ago.

It made him feel better that even the Captain was showing signs of nervousness as well. All the Senior Staff officers were present at the command center of the Flagship of the Federation and all were eager to reach their destination, yet at the same time couldn't help being frightened and nervous. Jean-Luc Picard was seating in the center as usually, his left hand tightly holding that of his wife, Beverly Howard-Crusher-Picard who was seated on his left side. 

Will's 'own' chair was occupied by Doctor Kate Pulaski, he had offered it to her, knowing his nerves wouldn't allow him to use it anyway. Data was seated at the left con and Raha Dax was in control of the helm. The Trill had four lifetimes of experiencing in flying just about anything and Riker couldn't think of anyone he'd rather have steering now. Jaka Fko was standing at her usual position behind the arch that held the weapon and shields controls and Geordi was standing near the Engineering station.

It was safe to say the Enterprise was prepared for just about every situation...except for the one they found.

"Captain," The urgency in Data's voice draw everyone's attention instantly, "the Hydra seems to be...decloaking."

"Decloaking? On screen!" Totally confused the First Officer and Captain briefly locked their eyes. In the weeks the Hydra had been followed by Starfleet ships, probes and sensor arrays the Hydra had never *once* decloaked. And now she was decloaking right in front of their noses.

"Sensors indicate random system failure, power fluctuations and off-line warp engines." If possible the confusion that had spread throughout the Bridge grew even more. "What is going on there?" Riker murmured to no one in particular.

"Sir," Jaka's surprisingly calm and steady voice sliced through the silence, "we are being hailed by Admiral Janeway." 

"Half screen Lieutenant." Obediently the Security Chief pushed some controls and mere instances later Janeway's face appeared on the right half of the main viewer.

"Captain, our sensors are indicating some major problems onboard the Hydra."

"Yes, our sensors confirmed that. It might be a trap, but I sincerely doubt it." What he wouldn't give to have Deanna at his side now, the captain thought smugly. She could've told them instantly whether or not it was a trap.

"I tend to agree Jean-Luc, but what to do next?" His intentional reply was cut of by Fko who's voice had suddenly lost its calmness. "The Hydra is sending out a distress call."

"Let's hear it!" The tension that had replaced the nervousness hung like a thick cload around each officer. What was going on on that vessel? How could they bring Deanna back onboard?

Help us! Enterprise you have to help us! She's going to kill us all! Stop her! The man was absolutely terrified, his voice sent chills down Riker's spine. We did not know! We can't control her! She's driving everyone insane! People are killing each other and-- Abruptly the man was silent, just long enough for Picard to glance around his Bridge and see the reactions of his officers to the unknown man's plea. Then just as suddenly as the voice had died it began again, this time utterly calm. This is what we deserve and I accept it. We should never have treated her like we did. Her pain is unbearable I can feel it raging through my body and yet I feel a calmness so serene it's the best feeling I've ever had. 

"The communication has been terminated Captain." Rendered speechless Jean-Luc merely nodded his acknowledgement. His mind, just like that of everyone else who'd heard the man, was trying to put what the man had told them in perspective, trying to figure out what he meant. After half a minute it was Data who calmly interrupted his strain of thoughts.

"The Hydra has dropped her shields. Scanning for Counselor Troi," everyone held their breath as they waited for Data to continue and after a long tensed silence he did, "I have located one half human/ half Betazoid female but I am unable to beam her up. She seems to be shielded." The face of both Picards fell for instance, but just as soon Beverly queried, "the same signature as before?"

"Affirmative Doctor, only the shield is approximately 300% stronger now." Everyone gasped at his words. Everyone except Will Riker, for he had no idea what they were talking about.

"Any ideas how to get her out of it? We can't beam over with the ship in the condition it is in now." To Will the answer seemed obvious, after all there were protocols for situations in which one needed to disengage an enemies force field.

"Take down the source or try and overload it."

"Impossible Commander." Confused he looked at his Captain. Impossible? What the heck?!

"Let me try." Beverly's whisper was so soft Will was surprised he'd heard it, he wondered what she meant.

"Beverly." The warning in Picard's voice was undeniable, Will saw how Beverly assuring squeezed her husbands hand before she withdrew hers and folded her hands in her lap, mimicking a posture almost characteristic to Deanna. She closed her eyes and slowed her breathing, drawing on the small amount of mind sending techniques Deanna had taught her.

She tried to picture Deanna's face in her mind and recalled the emotions she associated with her friend. Knowing there wasn't much time left Beverly formed an unspoken sentence and tried to send it to her best friend. Hoping with every fiber of her being she would receive it and listen.

~Deanna? It's Bev, let us beam you home.~ For nearly a minute Beverly remained seated with her eyes closed and just when she was about to give up a soft and unsure voice rang through her mind. 

~Bev? You're here?~ Accompanied by the question she felt a slight tingle that she'd come to familiarize with a mental scan. She didn't bother to reply, knowing she wouldn't be able to send a message again. Instead she cleared her mind and focused on the woman that she had grown to love as a sister.

The tingle fainted and just before the link between the two women was broken she heard one word echoing through her mind. ~Home~

The officers on the Enterprise watched her in surprise as she also spoke the word out a loud, but before any of them could say anything a woman materialized on the Bridge. In almost the same second an explosion on the view screen made them turn and watch the Hydra as it exploded into millions of tiny shreds, but just as soon they shifted their gazes back to Troi, more concerned for the well-being of their friend then for the exploded vessel. Her fiery green gaze studied each of the staff present, seemingly burning their way into their minds. When those green eyes locked on the blue ones of the First Officer he nearly jumped back, startled by their intensity and unfamiliarity. Deanna on her turn reacted quite distressed.

"No," her voice nothing more than a faint whisper and her features drawn in horror, "no. That's not possible! Please, oh gods, please!"

Instinctively Will reached out to her, overcome the initial shock. "Deanna?" Unlike he expected she didn't whisper his name in return. Unlike Beverly expected she didn't attack him, but instead a silent scream left her lips as she staggered backwards and collapsed.

Again Riker reached out to her, hoping that he could draw her out of the nightmare in which she was trapped if only he could lock his eyes on her. Deanna crawled back, shying away from the hand that was trying to reach her and the piercing blue eyes she had come to fear.

Once back against the wall she was trapped. ~No where to run, no where to hide Imzadi, never." The calm and threatening voice echoed through her psyche, she had stopped fighting it long ago. But she was back on the Enterprise now, she was home and she would *not* let him take that away from her again!

The flames in her green eyes fired up again as she locked them on the blue eyes of the man standing before her. Thinking he'd come through to her Will's confidence grew and he closed in on her step by step never noting Beverly's warnings or pleas until she yelled at him. "Damn it Will! You're scaring her!!!" His eyes briefly left Troi's but it was already too late, Deanna's voice blasted throughout his mind on a deafening tone, ~GET AWAY FROM ME!!!~. He nearly blacked out by the sheer amount of anger and desperation behind her scream but managed to keep his footing, leaning on Katherine who'd jumped up behind him.

"Will, walk away from her." He shook his head. She needed his help, he couldn't leave now. "Don't you see she's terrified of you? Let her be." As he looked at Troi's bruised face he saw a lot of emotions, but none of them being fear.

"Number One, step away from the Counselor." This time it was Captain Picard who urged him, for he'd seen something in his counselor's eyes far more disturbing than fear. Sensing no one currently paid attention to her Troi slowly stood up in a nearly animalistic way.

It was only when she was standing Will realized something was wrong because he felt two large hands closing around his throat and lifting him into the air. When he tried to face his attacker he was unsuccessful for the simple fact that there was no one to be seen. It was now Troi who advanced towards Riker, her defensive stance made the others step back, leaving Will completely to her mercy.

His air supply was quickly diminishing and his face became redder with each passing second. "You cannot hurt me anymore, I won't let you!" she whispered the words through clenched teeth, keeping her furious gaze lock on him. As he ran out of air horrendous pictures popped up in his mind, despair, loss, revulsion and fear wrapped themselves tightly around his heart turning his breathing shallow and quick.

Desperately he glanced around, begging his friends for help. He saw Jean-Luc whispering to someone but he couldn't make out his words, or to whom he was speaking. Beverly was now seated in the Captain's Chair, her eyes closed and her features drawn in concentration. Kate was standing a few feet next to him, her eyes fixed on Troi's face and he spotted Jaka on his other side, aiming a phaser on the Betazoid who was strangling him. He wanted to yell at the Security Chief that she shouldn't fire at Deanna but he couldn't make any sound. He needed to get away from her invisible hold on him, he needed to convince her to let him go. And fast for he had almost run out of air.

Not being able to talk he tried to use their bond, unsure it would work because it hadn't been used for ten months. Surprise hit him when his thoughts reached her far more easily than ever before. ~Deanna, let me go. Please?! I won't hurt you, I promise.~ He knew for a fact she had heard him, but she didn't react at all.

Beverly in the mean time was quietly humming an ancient Betazoid lullaby she'd heard Deanna sing many times before. If only she could reach her friend she could help her but she didn't seem to be able to penetrate the layers of anguish, fear, pain and hatred that had wrapped themselves around the empath's heart and mind. Luckily for her, her human mind made it impossible to actually experience those emotions herself as an empath would've had.

For the first time in two months Troi's mind was confronted with sensations of friendship and love. Surprised by the unwavering strength flowing beneath the thoughts of those around her Deanna gasped and finally released Riker. Not a second to soon, he dropped on the floor and gulped in breaths of air for several moments, trying to compose himself. None of the others seemed to notice his release and kept their eyes on the pained features of the Betazoid softly whispering soothing and calming words to her.

When the ship's CMO realized Deanna's resolve began to crumble she pushed herself out the comfortable chair and approached her. With barely a meter left to separate the two women Beverly finally spoke aloud. "Shh Dea it's all right. You're home, no one will hurt you. We're your friends, we'll protect you and we love you." With each spoken word the fire in her green eyes died a little until, as Beverly spoke the last three words, she closed her eyes and allowed her friends' emotions wash over her replacing part of her pain if only for a minute.

She was home, on the Enterprise, safe.

And tears rolled down her cheeks. Some of joy, some of pain. Deanna lowered herself to the ground and buried her face in her hands.

As fast as she could Beverly sat down besides her and enveloped her within her long arms. Deanna's cries grew louder and more violently as she clutched the doctor tightly. "Shh...you'll be all right." Troi pressed closer against her, needing to feel her comforting presence. Everything Thomas had done to her was still fresh in her mind and the pain she had felt was still very present, but she hoped she could fight the memories with the help of her friends.

"S'srahi emit t'rei hiuiy." Surprised by Deanna's probably Betazoid words Beverly exchanged a glance with her husband, who turned to Data asking the android a question without voicing it.

"I believe she is asking for our help Sir." Picard nodded his acknowledgement and turned back tot the two women cradled in each other's arms. Without turning around he spoke again to Data.

"Can you tell her that's she's safe and that we'll help her?" Curious as to why the Captain would want him to speak to Troi in Betazoid Data asked. After a few words however he broke off the question, suddenly realizing the insignificance. He accessed the very few databases about Troi's maternal language available and when he'd gathered enough information he stepped closer to her.

"Ihiay Gaia Zinq, su veilag ra t'rei." Though the words were definitely alien, his pronunciation missed the musical tone most Betazoids had. Nonetheless hearing the words had an ever so slightly calming influence on Deanna.

Tears escaped her black eyes and strangled sobs worked their way up her throat. Soon her bruised and aching body was shaking from her unleashed pain and fear. For the first time in months she dared to let out all her anguish. Feeling save surrounded by the minds and thoughts of her friends.

Unconsciously the Bridge officers had formed a half circle around the CMO and the Betazoid, carefully keeping their minds on positive, loving and heeling thoughts. 

When Beverly thought it was time she ordered direct transport to Sickbay for her, Deanna and doctor Pulaski and within seconds the three women disappeared.

The remaining officers couldn't help but let out a deep sigh of relief. Captain Troi had been rescued and with that the tense months of trying to track down the vessel carrying their First Officer. With their turmoil raging inside them each returned to his or her duty station, their minds lingering in Sickbay.

The expression on the stern face of the Captain was strained, which was a clear indication of his troubled mind. In the months of the search his goals were simple: get Deanna back onboard and support his pregnant wife. Now that one of the goals had been reached he was faced with more questions than he'd care to admit. What happened to the Hydra? Who had held Deanna and why? What had he done to her? Would she recover and if so, how long would it take her? Would Beverly be able to handle her best friend's treatment? Would the stress be too much for her? 

And what about Will? How would he handle the entire situation? It was strange to realize how easily the man had slipped back into the position of XO, even though finding himself in a stressful situation after nine months of absence. Talking about XO's...what was he to do with two of them? Although it probably wouldn't be difficult to reassign either of them, he wasn't keen to loose Deanna or Will. It *was* about damn time Riker took his own command he figured.

At his right Riker wasn't battling as many questions as his Captain, but his worry for Troi was clearly etched on his face. Since his return to the Enterprise life had been one surprise after the other. Suddenly Riker jumped out his chair, drawing the attention of his Captain. "Sir, permission to go to Sickbay."

"Negative Commander." Picard's abrupt and matter-of-factly answer rendered Riker speechless. It wasn't often he'd heard him speak in such tone and when he did something either upset him personally or he was fighting enemies. "Sir?" 

"You're not going Commander, sit down." Baffled by the sternness in his voice Will did as told and sat down. When he tried to reach Deanna mentally he only encountered silence, she was probably under sedation and being prepped for possible surgery. Kate and Beverly were probably the two best doctors in Starfleet, but that knowledge didn't quell his concern. In an attempt to keep his mind busy Riker decided to view the sensor logs of the Hydra's explosion.


	5. Chapter Twenty Eight Awakening

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Awakening**

"Doctors." Quickly he let his eyes slide over his wife, checking for any signs of exhaustion and pain. For a brief moment they locked eyes and he saw just a flicker of exhaustion and when she sat down it was clear her ankles and back were hearting. She'd need -and get- a thorough massage tonight. 

"Captain," they greeted, tiredness laced through their voices, "we've completed Captain Troi's surgery." He frowned at Doctor Crusher's lack for further information about Troi's condition, but decided to wait until one of them would say something.

"Her physical injures," this time it was Kate who spoke for she realized it was too painful for Beverly to do it, "were in many regards less serious then the ones after her ordeal on Pklira Prime. She suffered mal-nutrition, dehydration, a number of bruises, cuts and a broken wrist." As bad as that sounded the injuries were indeed less severe than her previous ones, but Doctor Pulaski hadn't finished yet. "The trickiest was and will be the extreme large amount of drugs in her system; nearly twice as much as before." This new bit of information brought Jean-Luc's head up, questions shining in his eyes.

"I'm not sure what they were hoping to accomplish, the drugs served a variety of purposes. She's been paralyzed two or three times and brought into some kind of comatose state. Other than that the drugs have had a significant influence of her Betazoid abilities."

"It's too soon to say exactly what changes she's undergone, we'll have to wait until she wakes up."

"Can you give any indication how long her recovery will take?" Sadly the two women shook their heads. "We have no way to tell how vast the psychological damage is."

"She's a strong woman; her chances for recovery must be good." The look that passed between the two doctors told him they weren't so sure, but they nodded nonetheless. A shiver crawled up his spine and reached the base of his skull within the second. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, trying to shake of the feeling of panic that seemed to close in on him.

"Visitors?"

"Minimal, we have to keep any empathic interaction as little as possible." 

"Will?" Again a silent communication between the doctors, they'd obviously discussed Riker's possible influence on Deanna.

"No. He won't be able to control his emotions and should Deanna be a wake; she doesn't know he returned and we don't know how she feels about him." This time he allowed the sigh he'd been holding back to escape from his throat. "So we're playing the waiting game?"

"Afraid so."

~*+*~

Expectantly he looked up as the doors slid apart, he had expected his wife home hours ago but she hadn't wanted to leave Deanna yet. With a happy smile he welcomed his wife, then quickly got to his feet and closed her in his embrace. She leaned back against him, grateful for his support. Docile she followed his lead to the couch and lied down to rest her head on his lap. He gently smoothed her hair out her face and bent to kiss her forehead.

"How are you?"

"Tired." She sighed, "we've done pretty much all we can do, but still it doesn't seem enough."

"Shh. I'm sure you've done everything you could." She murmured her acknowledgement, but her face suggested she didn't feel that way at all. "Want something to eat?"

"No, I ate in Sickbay." Their hand found each other and under his lead began to rub small circles on her belly. "Don't forget to look after yourself Bev." He studied her face closely and saw the tension hadn't left her face yet.

"What's bothering you?"

"Hmm?"

"You're miles away." His mild amusement made place for concern as he realized just how much this whole situation with Deanna unsettled her.

"No, just in Sickbay." Well, at least she still had her sense of humor. He knew from experience that the best way to help her deal with it was to talk her through it, rather than trying to take her mind off the matter.

"How is she?" She pushed herself upright, eager to talk. "I can't tell you...doctor/patient confidently."

"But?"

"But," Beverly debated with herself whether or not she could tell him. Deanna had told her after her recovery from Pklira Prime that if Beverly needed to talk about her patients it might be helpful to create some kind of diary. Under normal circumstances Beverly turned to Deanna, knowing that the Counselor as well had patient-confidently. But this was different; Deanna's injuries were too personal. She couldn't afford that knowledge to alter her husband's attitude toward his friend, counselor and First Officer. "But...but nothing. I can't tell you."  
  


It bothered him, he knew how badly she needed to talk about it but her reluctance meant that the injuries were too personal to talk about without the consent of the patient. And now, apart from being worried about his wife and unborn child, his worry about his officer grew as well.

The coming weeks would be unnerving; all everyone could do was wait. The doctors had decided to keep Troi under sedation for at least one and a half week, giving her body and psyche time to rest and heal. There was no doubt however that Deanna had a long road to recovery ahead. If not physical, then psychological.

~*+*~

Two weeks later...

"Come in." Engrossed in the padd the ship's CMO had brought in fifteen minutes earlier, Jean-Luc didn't look up to acknowledge his visitor until he'd finished reading. "Will." It surprised him a little that his long time friend hadn't tried to get his attention sooner. Had he become so attuned to his Captain that he knew when trying to interrupt would be futile, or had the nine months absence made him a bit insecure about his current position on board the Enterprise?

"Sir, what's happening to Deanna?" The abruptness of his question startled Picard. He had expected Beverly to explain the situation to Will and even if she deemed it better for him that he'd explain it, why hadn't she given him a sign? Too late now, fortunately he had lifetime of experience with difficult situations.

"She's being treated."

"Beverly told me as much." Riker grumbled angrily and leaned closer to his CO, demanding an answer without saying a word. "I'm sorry Will, but Deanna can't handle visitors yet." Not the answer the commander was waiting for, that much as clear by the expression on his face.

"I figured as much, *sir*. But *why*? According to the official reports her injuries are healed and she is just regaining her strength; so why can't I visit her?! I haven't seen her since she came back on board!" It seemed Riker frustration had reached a boiling point. For weeks they had tried to give him as little information as possible, at least until Deanna had completely awoken and could tell them what she wanted to keep classified. Unfortunately they had little choice in that matter now. Knowing Will Riker he would not settle down before he had a satisfying explanation for why he wasn't allowed to visit Troi.

"Will," no use in evading the question...but maybe he could tell as little as possible. The Doctors had been very insisted on keeping Deanna's condition as classified as possible, "until Doctor Crusher and Doctor Pulaski feel she's strong enough to handle visitors you'll have to leave her alone." The ire flickering in his first officer's blue eyes told him he wouldn't settle for it. 

"Look Will, Deanna's Betazoid abilities have been manipulated, right now she's a little more sensitive," 'a little more' was just about as big as an understatement could get, right now Deanna was the most powerful telepath/empath ever recorded in Betazoid history according to Beverly and Kate, "to the moods of those around her, therefore she must be kept as isolated as possible." To his relief he saw the ire in Riker's eye fade and he knew that for now he would accept Beverly's order to stay away from Deanna.

"I'll let you know as soon as she's allowed to receive visitors Will."

"Thank you sir."

~*+*~

{Damnit, I have to be in--} Frustration {How do I look? Will he--}{Hriay'K Trnopd Zsa--} Anxiety {--Engineering zara te duo qis--} Love {Three more days till our next mission, Beverly--} Longing {Oh I hate my--}{I'm so--} Anger {You all--}{--bed now} Tiredness {So many drugs--} Worry {Ztio, deira'Tgi}{Oh, this tastes--} Delight {The recalibratio--}{--just one week--} Haste {--there she is again} Disdain {Dialdrazine and kyra-amine don't--}{--looks absolutely radiant to--} Happiness {oh..what's in that--} Curiosity {Deanna? What's happe--}

Silence.

'What's happening? Where am I? Walls around me, why? I can't move! He has paralyzed me again! No, can't let it happen, must resist. My eyes, I have to open my eyes!' 

~*+*~

"Doctor! Doctor, she's coming around."

"It's about time!" Kate hurried over to the biobed of her patient and tapped her commbadge, "Pulaski to Crusher, your patient is waking up."

On my way!

~*+*~

Voices, far away, beyond reach. 'What are they saying? Who are they?' More voices, hurried, indistinctive and female. 'What is he planning? My eyes, why won't they open? What has he done to me?' Hands touching her face, the voices softer, almost soothing. 'What is he trying to do?'

"Everybody move away, give her some space." The nurses moved away, leaving only Beverly and Kate near the biobed. The former took one of Deanna's hands in her own. "Dea? Take it easy, don't hurry. You're save here, I promise." Finally she managed to open her eyes, just a little bit, but enough to make out that the auburn-blur hovering above her was Beverly Picard.

What kind of game was he playing with her now? Trying to make her believe she had been rescued only to hurt her more? After all, he would only mute her senses when he had something to hide from her. Was this yet another holodeck-recreation? She knew and even understood the games he was playing with her, but her defenses against them had long since failed. This was only another game, and she should not believe it for a single second. But she hoped, despite her better knowledge she hoped she was finally rescued, away from his grasp and those piercing blue eyes.

Deanna closed her eyes again, hoping to make Thomas believe she was a sleep, but the voices continued, coaxing her to open her eyes. "Com'on Dea, open those pretty eyes." Could it be true? Was it really Beverly talking to her now? She had learned through experience that Thomas would've given up by now and either would've turned of the simulation and left or lost his temper. But none of that had happened and the voices continued to talk to her. She wanted to open her eyes, god knew she wanted to. Her heart and mind craved to sense the love and care from her friends again, but she couldn't quite believe that those memories indeed were more than just dreams.

From a professional point of view she was quite aware that she was close to the point of no return. Her resistance had been broken, but the hope was still there. When that hope would be gone, so would she and there was no doubt in her mind Thomas Riker was -very- close to reaching his goal and make her his docile slave. Drawing on the last string of hope she decided to take her chances, if this wasn't real Riker would get what he wanted, but if it was it would be her salvation.

The two doctors kept a close look on their patient's face hoping fiercely she'd open her eyes. Deanna Troi had been unconscious for two weeks and they needed her to wake up to make a more reliable prognosis of her condition. But more than that they just wanted their friend back. A relieved smile crossed their faces as Troi blinked her eyes several times and then finally opened them. 

"B-Bev?" Speaking was a bit awkward, her tongue felt twice it's usual size and her lips were completely dried out. Deanna almost panicked as she realized she couldn't move. Foreseeing the reaction doctor Crusher gently pressed her hand against Deanna's forehead and whispered, "shh...you're all right, just a bit stiff." Her black eyes shot around, trying to determine where she was and if what she was seeing was real. "You're in Sickbay Dea, on the Enterprise." The redhead almost gasped at the vulnerability and fright in her friend's eyes.

"Am I?" she queried, finding it a little bit easier to speak.

"Yes you are," Kate now stepped up to the bed, maneuvering herself in Deanna's view, "and we're not going to let you get away again." For a moment Troi blankly stared at the new person, not quite realizing who she was, but then recognition hit her and a fraction later she started to cry of joy. She was home, on the Enterprise; the *real* Enterprise. There was no way Thomas could've known about Kate. She was really back!

The Betazoid's tears alarmed both doctors; was she in pain? But then Beverly faintly picked up hazy thoughts of the joy and relief and smiled genuinely for the first time since the Counselor had been back onboard. With her long fingers she wiped the tears of Deanna's cheeks, all the while whispering softly. Unnoticed by either woman, Kate Pulaski withdrew herself from the room, giving the two friends privacy in their reunion.

The past weeks she had often thought back about her year onboard the Enterprise. It had been nothing she'd expected, all the rumors about the closeness of the Senior Staff had been true and they were indeed the finest of the Fleet. Her first day had been quite hectic and had proven to be one of the most challenging, frightening as well as interesting in her career. 

She'd been onboard for barely ten minutes when a young woman walked into Sickbay, she saw her hesitate at the entrance and when she closed her eyes started to walk up to her. 

~-~-~-~-~

_"Can I help you?" Her head snapped up and wide black eyes stared back at her. Noting the definitive Betazoid features Kate concluded this young woman had to be the Ship's Counselor. She hadn't really spent much time reading personnel files of the Senior Staff, basically all she knew were their names and features. Doctor Crusher had been reluctant to submit their medical records through subspace, therefore she had yet to study them. She studied the Counselor's features; she had expected her to look a little more…older. Deanna Troi was already a renowned psychologist, but the woman in front of her looked as if she had barely finished the Academy._

_"I need to speak Doctor Crusher." She answered, surprising Kate by seemingly not knowing Beverly Crusher had left. Her surprise however turned into concern when the Betazoid darted past her and skittishly looked around. "Doctor Crusher isn't here."_

_The woman stopped dead in her tracks and slowly turned around, her face drawn in shame. "Oh god," she whispered, pressing two fingers against her lips, "you must be Doctor Pulaski, how foolish of me." Her cheeks reddened with shame, but again she surprised Kate with how easy she was able to cut the somewhat awkward moment short. "I need some advice, would you accompany me to Ten-Forward?" 'Damn,' she thought to herself, 'I hope she doesn't keep surprising me like this.'_

_~-~-~-~-~_

A secretive smile surface as Pulaski recalled how Deanna Troi had done exactly that. Just when she was sure she could predict Deanna's reaction to a situation she turned out to be completely wrong. The only person she had ever come close to understanding and predicting was Picard. Mainly due to the fact he made sure that everyone onboard his vessel knew where they stood and what he expected of them. Over the span of that year she'd come to know the Senior Staff very well, but albeit building a strong friendship with Troi the Betazoid remained as illusive as ever. Hearing the door behind her open she turned around and locked her eyes on those of her college. "She's sleeping." Sighing deeply Beverly sat down in her chair as gracefully as she could manage at six months pregnant.

The two doctors looked at each other for a -long- time and then both simultaneously laughed. "She's back and she's going to be fine."

A few meters away in the adjoining room Deanna's peaceful sleep wasn't as peaceful as either Doctor believed.

~-~-~-~-~

_He was everywhere, no matter how hard she ran or where she ran to; she always ended up in his arms. And he was always in her mind. The drugs he'd given her had left her open and vulnerable to his thoughts and emotions, allowed him to control her but in such a manner that she was perfectly aware of what was happening. She could feel everything he did to her and had to watch as he assaulted her, unable to control her own body and thus unable to fight his intrusion._

_For any being, being treated the way he treated her was humiliating. But for a telepath/ empath to be ripped of her mental abilities was the worse thing that could happen. Without her shields she wasn't only vulnerable to him, but also to the emotions and thoughts of all people around her. He could make her do anything he wanted, if not by controlling her mind then by other means and for as long as those drugs had their hold on her there wasn't anything she could do, but to endure his actions and wait until he would make a mistake. And for ever there were those blue eyes watching her every movement and hearing her every thought._

_Piercing blue eyes, filled with so much hatred and lust, bore into her soul and made her shiver in horror._


	6. Chapter Twenty Nine Remembrance

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Thank you everyone for the reviews ;) They mean a lot to me…a little warning; one scene in this chapter is probably the most disturbing one yet, at least, I'd like to think so *g*

I would've uploaded this Friday, but as you probably know the site was down :( Next chapter will be up next Friday *g*

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**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Remembrance**

Deanna Troi paced in the small confines of her personal room in Sickbay. Her hands were clasped behind her back and her frustration could clearly be seen on her face. She'd been back to her feet for nearly a week now, but besides the two daily visits to the ship's physical rehabilitation centre she'd been locked up in her almost claustrophobic small room. She was feeling like a caged animal, separated from freedom only by a thin wall.

Her rational mind knew perfectly well that Beverly and Kate were right in keeping her in the room; she wasn't able to remember anything about her stay on the Hydra, no matter how hard she tried --or didn't try-- she simply couldn't remember. She could easily speculate based on the list of injuries the doctors had given her, but she needed to remember to be able to deal with it otherwise those speculations would haunt her for the rest of her life.

And then there were of course the psychic changes in her she was still adapting to, a task not made easier by the fact she hadn't had the time to adapt fully to the previous changes she'd undergone. Out of caution her abilities were constantly muted by inhibitors to allow her mental defenses time to adapt as well. Even just thinking about the impact these new powers had on her future made her shudder.

~*+*~

Whistling Riker walked through the corridors of the Enterprise on his way to Sickbay. Deanna had been back on the ship for a month now and finally the doctors had agreed to let him see her. He'd seen her already of course, but only when she was under sedation or asleep.

Will had to strain himself not to run to the ship's medical facility and at the same time it couldn't take him long enough. He had absolutely no idea how Deanna would react. He'd read the reports on her captivity and could only imagine the hell she'd been through. Her phychical injuries were extensive and the vast amount of drugs in her system had caused severe brain damage. After having spend two weeks in coma and one and a half additional week under constant sedation Troi's injuries had healed.

He entered Sickbay and passed a very pregnant Doctor Crusher and Doctor Pulaski. Beverly winked encouragingly and watched as he hit the panel that opened the door to Deanna's private room. The window allowed the physicians to watch the reunion of Riker and Troi...

~*+*~

Deanna heard the door open and tried to recall who was entering. Beverly had informed her the night before that someone would come visit her but strangely she couldn't recall who. A little voice inside her head warned her not to turn around, *begged* her not to. But she shove it aside, telling herself she was safe. Slowly she turned around and found herself staring into a pair of sky-blue eyes.

And then she remembered. Fear gripped around her heart and a loud terrified scream left her throat. Her senses went numb and she backed away from those eyes. The eyes that had haunted her, tortutered her and killed because of her.

"Please, no! Please, not again." Tears of pain and fear filled her eyes and blurred her vision. She closed her eyes, trying to shake the image of those blue eyes off her. 'It's a dream. It's just a dream! I'm on the Enterprise now, I'm safe. Thomas is dead. He's DEAD!' The assurances didn't calm her though. 

Something blocked her way out. Her back slammed into something solid and cold, something that wouldn't budge. Her hands searched frantically for a way out. 'I have to get away!' The blue eyes came closer.

"Not again. Gods not again!" Oblivious to her own crying and the voice that came with the piercing blue eyes she shove along the wall, getting as far away from the eyes as she could.

A thousands hands fondled her body, some rough, some tender but all of them fast and demanding.

~There's no escape Imzadi. You're mine and mine alone.~ The fear was overwhelming, the fear and the memories. The voice in her head and those eyes, always those blue eyes.

Her shoulder hit a second wall, she was cornered. No where to hide, no where to run. No matter where she looked two blue eyes were staring back at her. There was no door. No furniture of any kind. Only those eyes. Those cold hateful eyes. The eyes and the hands. Hands that stroke her, hit her. Hands that strangled her and nails that scratched her skin. A mouth that bit and spit. That sucked her blood.

Running away was futile. In the end they always caught up with her. No where to run, no where to hide. Just them. Them and the walls. The walls and the chains. No way to get out, no way to make those eyes disappear.

She couldn't move, her body caught up in the fear of her mind, caught in the chains that held her against the wall. Caught in those hateful blue eyes.

~Got you~

*  *  *

Riker froze when he heard Deanna's scream, when he saw the terror in her eyes, the fear for him. She backed away from him, creating as much distance between them as she could. Acting on instinct Will advanced towards her and tried to lock his eyes on hers, hoping they could bring her out the nightmare she was trapped in.

"Shh...Deanna. You're on the Enterprise, they can't hurt you." His whispers didn't penetrate the wall of fear around her. Only his eyes did.

He was close now, close enough to reach out and pulls her in his arms. Oblivious to Kate's warning to back away from Troi he stretched his arm, taking another step when suddenly he heard something in his mind.

~Got you~

The coldness and hatred in the voice made him shudder involuntarily. The voice was alien and yet familiar, but not as familiar as the one that responded.

~***NO!!!***~

The strength and terror behind her normally musical voice made him take two steps back. Her wide black eyes flashed with rage and the sudden change in them took his breath away.

In a fraction of an instant had her soulful black eyes turned bright green surrounded by the blackness that seconds ago had colored her irises.

Vaguely he heard Kate whisper behind him. Stray words penetrated his mind.

"No...not him...friends...Enterprise...safe." He wanted to turn around and ask her what she meant but he couldn't break the hold of her eyes on his. Hoarsely he whispered her name, trying to break through her walls.

~No where to run, no where to hide~

Riker was thrown backwards, he flew over the head of the doctor and landed hard against the window at the far end of the room. His body went limp at the impact.

Without saying a word or turning around Pulaski motioned the nurses present to get the unconscious Riker out the room where he would be tended to by Beverly and ordered the security personal in the room to back away.

The three officers exchanged looks not sure whether they could leave the woman alone with the dangerous Betazoid.

A second impatient gesture from their superior made them back away. Out of the corner of her eye Kate saw the retreat of the officers carrying an unconscious Will. She had known Deanna's power had grown considerably but she hadn't expected the Betazoid to make use of it with such little provocation. After all, she had shown no hostile behavior towards the captain.

Noticing her own ragged breathing she focused on slowing it and projecting calm and peace. It took what seemed like decades before the fury in Troi's green eyes died, but it did and gradually her eyes turned back to normal. The fear that had consumed the woman minutes before was however still very much present. Deanna had sagged onto the floor and had drawn her knees to her chin, embracing them with her slender arms and rocking back and forth.

"Please, not again...not again." The Doctor's heart ached for the woman she considered her sister. The one who had been through so much pain and fear in the past months she couldn't help but wonder how she had survived. 

"Dea? Deanna, listen to me. You're on the Enterprise, nobody is going to hurt you here." The bewildered look in Troi's eyes seemed to diminish a little, but Kate continue whispering. "You're safe here. You're home." The doctor felt her muscles relax under her hands.

"But I...I *saw* them. He was there." The distraught Betazoid began to shake lightly as she relived some of the horrors she had repressed. 

_Hands were groping her body, they seemed to be everywhere. The roughness shafed her skin and the strength with which he held her caused her skin to bruise. Her captor threw her roughly onto the bed and almost simultaneous ripped off what was left of her dress. She closed her eyes as he climbed on top of her, but the two blue eyes wouldn't go away. They seemed to reach even the darkest recesses of her mind._

_~Open your eyes Imzadi~ the voice whispered into her mind. His irritation of her resistance flooded into her mind as he spoke again. ~Open your eyes or I shall kill another one.~ Being only too aware of the seriousness of his thread she obeyed and forced herself to look at him. Faintly she wondered what could've turned this man in such a monster. The thoughts soon left her however when he draw his knife and began to caress her body with it. Goosebumps emerging everywhere where the blade touched her._

_~Someday Imzadi, you will pleasure me without resistance~ he promised her as he discarded his trousers._

The sensation of being shaken back and forth at last began to replace her newly returned memories. "Deanna! Snap out of it!" With all the force she could muster Kate shook her patient one more time as she yelled at the top of her lungs. With a startled jerk of her head Deanna's eyes lost the glassiness that had overcome them as she looked into her trusted friend's face and although everything she had experienced onboard the Hydra now rushed back into her conscious mind she managed to keep control of herself.

Having had more than enough experience with patients suffering from traumatic memory loss Doctor Pulaski recognized the symptoms of resurfacing memory. Although a part of her had hoped Deanna would never have to remember, she knew from a professional point of view it was better for her patient. Now Deanna could truly begin to heal.

~*+*~

It took Deanna nearly six hours to process her memories and during those hours she hardly moved, her eyes transfixed on the wall across her and her senses completely unaware of the constant presence of Kate Pulaski. Despite the insistence of Crusher, Kate had refused to leave, knowing it would be hell for Beverly to have to sit on the floor for a longer period and that Deanna shouldn't be distracted.

Finally Troi managed to tuck her re-obtained memories away for the time being and focus on the real world. She slowly crept to her feet, not aware of her companion until she stood fully erect and turned to her side. "Kate." 

"Welcome back among the living." The doctor smiled ruefully as she guided her patient to her bed. "How do you feel." Deanna snickered in response and began to undress herself. "How long did it take me?"

"Oh, about six hours." In shock Troi swirled around, just as her nightgown slid down her body and fell in place. "Six hours?! That's too long!" Understanding the reason of the Counselor's concern Pulaski placed a reassuring hand on her arm and explained why it had taken Deana's mind that amount of time to process the resurfaced memories.

"So you're positive this was a one time thing? That I remember everything now?" Kate nodded solemnly and watched Deanna crawl underneath the covers. "Well, if you say so." Although there were several questions burning in her mind the doctor knew better than to push Deanna was answers. She was well aware of the Counselor's habit to wait dealing with issue's until she chose to and when she did, she would certainly inform her doctors.

Wishing her patient goodnight doctor Pulaski left the room and called for the nurse on duty, whom she ordered to keep a close look on Troi's dream pattern for she expected her to have some intense nightmares. The next evening at earliest she and Beverly would try to talk to Deanna, but until then she could only wish her patient and friend the strength to deal with her memories.


	7. Chapter Thirty Living the Nightmare

=====

First of all a little warning that Riker gets to be a –unknowing- jerk in this chapter…sorry, what can I say, I just like him like that :p Plus I thought it was a necessary evil to get him to find out just what did happen to Troi.

Secondly, the second half of this chapter is thus far the piece I'm most proud of in this story *g*

Hope you enjoy (and review ;))

=====

**Chapter Thirty: Living the Nightmare**

Deanna was sitting against the wall, her knees drawn up against her chest. Her mind was trying to cope with the rediscovered memories from the night before, but that task proved to be a great deal more difficult than she had anticipated. With each thing she seemed to remember, two at least as horrific memories would cast a cloud of fear over her rationale. It seemed as if the hands she remembered never stopped groping, the eyes never stopped looking and the voice never stopped whispering. 

Her mind was caught up in a feedback loop since she had mistakenly let her barriers down. Unwillingly she experienced everything over and over again. The anger and the fear, the pain and the terror. She had once so fiercely believed in the love she shared with Will/Thomas, but if he really loved her, how could he have done all those horrific things to her? She felt as if entire body was covered in dirt and never before had she felt so violated, so humiliated. Not when Jellico's vile mind had radiated thoughts of lust and possession, not even when Jev had assaulted her.

"Dea? Are you all right?" She opened her eyes to find Beverly hovering above her, concern shining brightly in her blue eyes. "A shower would be appreciated" she whispered quietly. The doctor nodded her understanding and took her patient's hand to guide her to the shower.

Troi relished in the soft touch of the warm water on her skin, she envisioned the dirt sliding down her body until all of it had disappeared and remained standing to be absolutely sure nothing was left behind. In her mind she used gallons of soap and shampoo and she kept scrubbing and scrubbing, unaware of the tears rolling down her face.

She remained standing in the shower until her legs no longer seemed to be able to carry her and then lowered herself to the floor and began to cry. All the anguish wanted to be released simultaneous and huge lumps seemed to be stuck in her throat. With her face buried in her hands she could do nothing but sob for a long time until finally the lumps had dissolved and long, loud cries emerged from deep in her soul. 

Her psyche seemed to shudder when she remembered how she had managed to break free, the horrific deeds *she* had committed to escape his grasp. How could she have killed? It didn't matter to her that she had killed in self-defense, or that he had deserved to die; -she- -had- -killed- and she would *never* be able to forgive herself for that. 

~*+*~

Laying on her couch, Deanna stared out her window at the stars passing by. The Enterprise was enroute to a distant stellar system to begin negotiations with the indigenous habitants of the main planet. The tension aboard the ship was high, due to the fact they were traveling closely along the boarder of the Neutral Zone.

Her mind traveled back to her time aboard the Maquis vessel, now over a month ago. Faces of some of the people she had met came into vision outside the ship. Nothing more than her own imagination, she knew, but disturbing nonetheless. She had returned to active duty three days before, having received a clean bill of health from her doctors and having convinced Picard that she was psychologically able to start counseling again.

And although sometimes she felt a pang of regret at giving up her position as XO she was also happy to return to full-time counseling again. Engrossing herself in other people's problems had always been a means of escape to her and one of the positive things about loosing her staff due to a smaller crew compliment was that her argument that other's needed counseling held more power now.

There was no longer someone who could take over her patients. The counselor who had come onboard when she had been kidnapped had resigned a week earlier; he was getting married and his fiancée had demanded him to return to his planet. That, together with her rank, had been the catalyst in returning to active duty despite the reluctance and concern of her friends.

She had fought tooth and nail to prevent her mother coming aboard and had been guiltily pleased when Lwaxana was forced to stay home because Barin had attracted a highly contagious and potentially lethal disease. By the time Barin had healed the Enterprise was over two months traveling away from Betazed and Troi had managed to convince her mother that she was really all right and would come to Betazed the first chance she had.

She really was all right, she told herself. As long as she was on duty she was all right. Once off duty and alone she would think too much and spend her time hating herself and Thomas Riker. What little sleep she got was occupied with nightmares based on her memories, but she wouldn't allow anyone to see that side of her. If she'd be forced to take a leave of absence she would loose herself in those memories, she was sure.

~*+*~

~-~-~-~-~

_Thomas Riker entered his quarters with a satisfied smirk on his face, tonight he would continue his training of his Imzadi and he was looking very much forward to ravishing her beautiful body. Deanna was laying on his bed, her wrists tied to the bedposts, just like they had been for the past week. But Thomas had become bored by her submissive attitude and had thought of something to make their time together a little more...interesting._

_"Imzadi!"__ He called, knowing full well she wouldn't react, "there's someone I'd like you to meet." An evil smile curled around his lips as he saw her eyes moved underneath her eyelashes. His hand reached back to pull the young woman he'd brought along forward to the bed. "Deanna darling, say hello to Miss Carola. He pushed the woman onto the bed, her gasp of surprise causing the object of his desire to open her eyes._

_Deanna's black eyes were wide with confusion and fear and they darted from Carola to Thomas and back. What was he up to? Why had he brought the woman with him? "Carola, be a doll and go stand against that wall?" Thomas pointed, his voice sounding too sweet. As soon as Carola's body hit the wall a metal clasp wound itself around her waist and pinned her against the wall._

_"What are you doing?!" She yelled, her fear adding to Deanna's trepidation. "Nothing my dear, nothing," he said reassuringly. "Unless Deanna here doesn't cooperate," He added, his voice turning evil again. _

_"What do you want me to do?" Deanna asked quietly. Her question drew Thomas closer and he sat down next to her; one hand stroking her face, the other sliding up from her knee to her inner thigh. "Nothing bad, Love. I want you to seduce me." He laughed at the revulsion coursing through her and began to untie her wrists._

_"And if I don't?"_

_"Then Carola here is dead."_

~-~-~-~-~

Tears streamed down Deanna's face as she remembered that particular night. She'd used all her resources to seduce Thomas and all he had done was laugh at the emotions he sensed from her through the Imzadi bond. And when eventually she had him fully aroused and believed he wouldn't harm Carola, he'd slid the girl's throat as he climaxed. Just for fun. 

Repulsed by the sight of her dinner, Troi pushed her plate to the other end of the table and buried her face in her hands. Was she ever going to forget the memories? Have peace?

It was right at that moment that the chimes of the door rang through the air. "Come in" she called and the door opened to reveal..."NO" she gasped and staggered from her chair.

"Computer, lights." A baritone voice called, the agitation and frustration of its owner rippling through Troi's senses. "You can't avoid me forever Deanna." 'No! No, that's not Thomas, it's Will. Will!' But knowing and knowing were two different things. Riker advanced towards her, his mouth set in a thin line under his beard. "I think we need to talk Deanna." 

"Will, I'd rather not, not tonight." Her voice carried the calm she absolutely didn't feel, but served only to raise the anger inside Will Riker and he took another step towards her, stepping into her personal space. Although Troi desperately wanted to find the courage to hold her position, she failed and backed away.

"Damn it Dea! Talk to me!" His frustration raged through her senses. She had been avoiding him ever since she'd been back on board and he hated her for it. Will took another step; Deanna took two and found herself backed against the wall. "You've been back for a month and a half, back on duty, all reports say you're healed and back to normal," his voice and emotions turned a little more malevolent with each word so it seemed, or was she being pulled back into her memories? "So why don't you act *fine*?!"

"Will, please, leave." Deanna tensed her muscles in an attempt to prevent herself from trembling as Riker leaned forward and brought his face within an inch of her own. His hot breath viciously raked across her face. Shivers ran up and down her spine and the air he exhaled seemed to burn her skin.

Riker didn't hear the fear in her voice, nor did he see the shivers that traveled through her body. His own emotions so high he couldn't recognize the telling signs of fear on the ship's counselor's face. All he had wanted to do since returning to the Enterprise was closing his Imzadi in his arms, telling her how he felt and that he loved her. However, Deanna seemed to have made a second carrier of avoiding him. She seemed to have no problem interacting with Geordi, or Picard, or anyone else.

Without thinking he raised his hand to her face --ignoring her plea to stop-- and traced her cheek and jaw. "You're so beautiful" he whispered, intoxicated by her close proximity.

Tears formed in her eyes. 'This can't be happening!' The fear and horror within her was overwhelming, blocking out all rational thinking and causing her 'training', as Thomas used to call it, to kick back in. 'What is he going to do this time?' The anger and desire flowing from Riker terrified her; she had to be good to him, make his anger go away.

She brought a trembling hand up to the side of his face and before he realized what he was doing he rubbed his cheek against her soft palm. "I missed you."

"I- I missed you too" she returned "I'm so sorry" perhaps if she would beg for forgiveness he wouldn't hit her? "I won't do it again." Deanna closed her eyes in an attempt to block out the blueness of his eyes and softly brushed her lips against his. A fire was instantly ignited within Will and he violently attacked her mouth, forcing her mouth open. He didn't care that her head snapped back against the wall, he didn't feel her body go ridged and he paid no attention to the tears that fell down her cheeks.

'This is it. There will be no escape. Ever.' And she was back onboard the Hydra, back in Riker's room with a young female tied against the wall, awaiting her faith as Deanna tried to persuade Thomas to let the girl go. Her mind went numb as she returned the kiss and equaled his ferocity. Her hands slid down his torso. If she could capture his complete attention, if she could make him forget, maybe then he wouldn't hurt the girl.

"Deanna?"

"Let me please you" she murmured, attacking his mouth anew as her hands worked the fastener of his trousers. 

Dumbfounded Riker stared at her, his body ached to have her, but her behavior worried him. Her eyes were blank, devoid of any emotion. He gasped as she yanked his trousers down and sank to her knees. In panic he roughly grabbed her shoulders and yanked her upwards and pushed her against the wall. "What the *hell* are you doing?!" He yelled in shock.

Deanna approached him again, no fear apparent on her face even though it was all her mind knew. "Please" she whispered and sensually slid her hands up his chest and around his neck "I'll do anything you wish me to."

'This isn't right!' he realized, but returned her kisses helplessly 'what is she doing?' Her hands felt so good as they traced his skin, her lips were so soft and full. "You're so strong" she told him in what he recognized as her bedroom voice and he couldn't help but lift his hands to skim her breasts

He finally snapped out the heat of her advances when he felt her recoil from the touch of his hands. She didn't stop her ministrations however and Will knew he had to stop her before he was too far gone. In a last attempt to stop her he grabbed her hands and pinned them against the wall.

Troi looked at him from under her long eye-lashes, enticingly tracing her lips with the tip of her tongue, beckoning him to come to her with her eyes. "Want to play it rough today, Thomas?"

"Damn it Dea! Will you stop--" his voice trailed off as her last word penetrated his mind. "Thomas?!"

That explained everything. Why she had avoided him, why Beverly had kept him away from her. But he couldn't believe Thomas would ever hurt Deanna. He knew how much he loved her, for he had loved her the same way. 

Troi returned to her advances and in a mindless flare of anger meant for Thomas Will grabbed her by the upper arms and threw her away from him. Horrified he stared at her as she landed against the side of her couch, never making a single sound. His anger rose; at Thomas for what he did to her. At himself for forcing himself on her and even at her, for not telling him, for not fighting. This wasn't good! His hands itched to throw something, or hurt someone. He had to get away from her before he hurt her again.

Deanna watched silently as Thomas transformed back into Will before her eyes and swiftly left her quarters. Anger, guilt and sorrow flowed into her mind. A sob escaped her, and another, and another.

Would she ever be free?


	8. Chapter Thirty One Trials

Nope, no trouble, just vacation (and I'm still recovering from shaking Patrick Stewart's hand *cough*) and a lack of reviews ;) I just took my time reading and rewriting this chapter since ppl didn't seem to like the last one, judging by the number of reviews.

So, here's Chapter Thirty One and I whole-heartedly hope it's better *smiling*

**Chapter Thirty-One: Trials**

Seething with anger Riker strode through the corridors, not even noticing how other officers would jump aside at his approach. His hands were balled into fists and the only reason he hadn't smashed them against something --or someone-- was that he had a definite purpose in mind.

The knowledge that Thomas, his duplicate, was responsible for the hell Deanna had been through was unimaginable! If his so-called brother was anything like himself he couldn't have hurt Deanna in a thousand years! And yet it seemed he had. 

If Thomas could hurt her so, did that mean he could too? And if he could and Deanna knew that, how was she ever going to trust him again? How could she look at him and not see Thomas? The scene earlier in her quarters, and the one back in Sickbay only proved she couldn't discern him from his replica. Was this Thomas' revenge? 'If I can't have her, you can't have her either'?

Arrived at his destination he slammed the palm of his hand against the computer-panel next to the grey doors and stormed inside once they opened. Without paying any attention to his surroundings he headed for the blur of copper-red hair. "Why the *hell* didn't you tell me?!"

Beverly Picard jumped at the ire in her voice, but before she could react in any other way her husband had leaped forward and now stood between her and Riker. Jean-Luc might not have been as tall as Will, but his entire stance shouted defense; he'd gone cold and he only did that when he was as angry as he could be.

"You knew!" He shouted again, this time addressing the captain. "Just how long were you going to keep this from me?!" Jean-Luc didn't move when the tall commander approached him and Beverly caught a slight twinge in his jaw, she braced herself against the back of the couch, fully expecting a yelling match to follow.

"I suggest you calm yourself -commander-" her husband said quietly, so calm it was frightening "keep your distance from my wife" she loved it when he got all protective "and then tell us what the devil you're talking about."

Will too noticed he'd pushed his superior officer to his limit and took a step back, his anger not fading. "How long," he spoke through clenched teeth "have you known it was Thomas?" He was addressing her again and when she opened her mouth to ask him how he'd found out horror flooded through her.

"Will, where is Deanna?"

"I left her in her quarters. Now answer me!"

But she didn't answer, not when she pushed herself up from her comfortable position and not when she dashed past the men into the corridor. "Asshole" she hissed under her breath.

"You know, I thought I'd seen it all from you, but I have to congratulate you Will, you've reached a new low." Picard said calmly and then took off after his wife, leaving Riker behind to contemplate on his words.

Jean-Luc caught up with his wife before she'd reached the Counselor's quarters, she really couldn't walk that fast, carrying their child inside her. They found Deanna huddling in a corner of her living room, knees drawn his against her chest and slowly rocking back and forth.

In Beverly's eyes he caught the beginnings of sympathic tears and saw her struggle to fight her desire to lower herself onto the floor. He knew that this was the point where he had to take over, since it would be hell for his wife to sit down on the floor, no matter how badly she wanted to. 

As he lowered himself next to the huddled form of Troi he wasn't entirely at ease with his task, but at the same time he wasn't feeling as awkward as he would have a year ago. He a gentle hand on her shoulder; exerting just enough pressure to being noticed and was astound to find her body trembling beneath his grasp. "Deanna?" He tried to coax her into acknowledging their presence in the very least and tightened his embrace.

The half-Betazoid kept trembling; her muscles so tense they felt like duranium. "She's closed herself completely" his wife offered wearily, tears already rolling down her face.

"Counselor." He didn't know what to do, how far he could go without pushing her completely over the egde. "Deanna." He tried again, a little more forceful this time. There was still no reaction and he looked up at his wife who stood looming over them, tears rolling unchecked down her features. She sobbed quietly, the little sounds quickly transforming into longer and louder wails. "No" 

Something felt wrong Jean-Luc realized. As distressing at Troi's behavior was Beverly shouldn't react this intense. He watched her as she started to back away, scared by an invisible ghost. "No! You can't hurt me!" She closed her eyes and on her face he could she the battle raging within her. "You CAN'T!!!" Her scream tore at his heart, only he was unable to find the person who scared her so. "You're DEAD you cannot hurt me!!!"

Then he felt it; fear trickling into his mind. It was like a soft summer rain, tiny little drops of fear falling down into his mind but as they encountered no resistance, the drops grew and fell down harder. The fear was unlike anything he'd ever felt before, it intruded every pore in his skin, every cell in his body. He could feel the foreign emotions crawling with him like maggots in a carcass. As intense as the emotions were, they had not yet merged with his own, giving him an edge only empaths had. He could study the emotions from a relatively objective point of view, even though they co-existed with his in his own mind.

Curiosity coaxed him to observe and at the same time made it easier to remind himself that these feelings were not his own. And so he studied them; part of him frightened by the intimate contact, another part soaring in the exploration.

~*+*~

So many feelings were crawling around in his head that he didn't know –how- to feel, but he knew there was one thing he shouldn't feel and that was panic. There was no logical reason for him to feel panicked, nothing traumatic had happened to him recently, he wasn't in a dangerous situation; he simply shouldn't feel the way he felt. It was as if the emotions weren't even his own.

Something was wrong. He had to get away from this place. Now! Before they caught him! Before they would hurt him! "Quick! Get to your feet and RUN!!!" Someone was yelling at him, urging him on, coaxing him to move, but he couldn't see anything. "Hurry! You have to get away! Before he kills you! GET AWAY!!!" He scurried backwards, his heart hammering even faster when he found himself backed up against something soft but unyielding. His legs refused to carry him, he couldn't move, couldn't scream, couldn't breath. "Move!!!"

'This is wrong. I have to stay calm! Breath slowly, there's nothing that can hurt me. I am myself. I am Jean-Luc Picard and I am –not- scared.' The captain kept repeating the mantra over and over again, forcing himself to remember and to fight. "Please! Get away from him! You have to try and fight him, you can't let him win!" 'I am captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation Flagship The Enterprise. I am Jean-Luc. I am married to…I am married to…Beverly! Beverly Crusher, my wife…the mother of my child.'

His eyes shot open and he could see again. The blue eyes haunting him had disappeared, replaced by the familiar sight of his ship's design. Beats of sweat were rolling down his face, running in streams along his spine. His artificial heart beating like crazy in response to the fear and panic that he felt.

Next to him a woman, dark hair, sobbing, familiar, Deanna. Across the room another woman, also sobbing and familiar, red hair, pregnant, "Beverly!" His feet were still unwilling to carry him and so he had to crawl over to her. He wrapped him arms around her shaking form. He didn't know what was happening, but they had to get away. The emotions; the panic and the fear, they were not his and yet he felt them. He had to remember they were not his, or they would overwhelm him and never let go.

He had to get away, but how, if he could not walk? He had to get Beverly to Sickbay; stress wasn't good for the baby, he had to get them to Sickbay! 

Sickbay

He could hail Sickbay! The second he realized that, his hand flew up to his commbadge "Picard to Sickbay, medical emergency in Counselor Troi's quarters!"

On our way Captain They would be here soon, good. They had to get away from the emotions. The emotions that were not theirs. He had to fight them, gain control before the crew found him.

What was causing this? The emotions, why did he feel them? Whose were they? He looked around the room, trying to see who his offenders were but all he saw was Deanna…

Of course!

Just then the doors slid open and a medical team hurried in. It wouldn't be log before they would start to feel it too, he figured. "Get the Doctor and take her to Sickbay." He ordered, finally able to stand up.

"But sir," a young lieutenant objected, already walking over to the counselor.

"No! I will explain later, but we must leave her now!" He hated the edge to his voice and the doubt he saw crossing the medical officers' faces, but he knew he was right and he still was their Captain so they had no choice but to follow his orders. "Move it!"

Albeit hesitantly, two of the officers picked up his wife and laid her on the hoverbed and began to move her out of the cabin. Reluctantly he offered the arm the third medical officer offered him and they followed the others into the corridor. After a few steps –each becoming easier than the previous—Jean-Luc found himself face to face with Will Riker. His second officer looked utterly concerned and confused, but he could not be bothered with him right now. "Stay away from her Commander." Was all he said as he passed by the blue-eyed man.

Throwing one last glance at Troi's quarters, Riker obeyed and followed his Captain to Sickbay where they were greeted by Kate Pulaski. "What happened?" She quickly took Beverly's vital signs as well as the baby's and ordered Riker out of the room. When he didn't comply she shot him a cold glare and soon a nurse was more or less dragging him away.

Jean-Luc held tightly onto his wife's hand, relieved to see she was quickly calming down. "You're both fine," Kate said with a smile "I can only detect an elevation in the adrenaline levels, but that will pass in about ten minutes. The baby suffered no ill effect. So what happened?"

"I'm not sure." Beverly whispered in a trembling voice, looking at her husband for reassurance.

Picard took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. "I think Deanna projected her emotions on us…almost as a defense mechanism."

"Why would she do that?"

"Commander Riker…he came to us after having been with Deanna…he knew about Thomas."

"But Deanna said she wouldn't tell h…" Pulaski's voice trailed off as she realized what must've happened. Beverly sat up and nodded at the other doctor's unspoken diagnosis. "If she mistook Will for Thomas the emotional stress must have been tremendous…"

"…And might have affected the baby." The redhead finished. "Someone needs to check on her, but make sure to give them an inhibitor to prevent her from projecting again."

"The baby?" The two doctors shared a glance, then nodded almost imperceptibly. Impatiently Picard waited for an explanation; keeping his eyes trained on his wife as Kate slipped out of the room. "What baby?"

"Jean-Luc…Deanna's pregnant. We haven't told her yet, because we thought it would be best to allow her time to deal with what happened before…" 

There hadn't been many times in his life when Jean-Luc Picard found himself stunned into silence, but this was definitely one of them and he doubted he would ever find the words.

"There's more" Beverly continued mournfully "the examinations show evidence that she had an abortion. I don't think she even knows about it…" She bit her lower lip to stop it from trembling, but failed. Her vision blurred by tears she reached out to her husband and clung to him as if hanging on for dear life. "I don't know how to tell her…oh Jean-Luc!" Tears cascaded down onto his clothes soaking the material to his skin within rapidly passing minutes and he felt his own eyes watering as well. His mind numb with the new information and the complications it brought along.

Bridge to Captain Picard, incoming message from Admiral Necheyev. Startled the married couple tightened their hugs for a scarce second, than released each other and wiped their tears away. "Patch it through to Doctor Crusher's office." The Captain ordered as soon as he had hit his commbadge.

Aye Sir 

Because words still eluded him --where there any words for a situation like this? He wondered sadly—he tenderly kissed his wife's forehead and left for the office.

Beverly watched him go and once again felt tears looming in her eyes. Had she done the right thing in confiding in him? She knew Kate thought so, but she wasn't quite convinced yet. Her friend had gone through so much pain that she would do anything to keep her from hurting more; even if that included never telling Deanna about the abortion, and if it were possible, she wouldn't even tell her about the child. Ethics however prevented her from doing either and forced upon her the difficult task of telling Deanna about the child growing inside her, as well as the child she had lost.

Tears fell again as she tried to imagine how Troi would react. Beverly rubbed her belly and silently thanked whoever was listening that her baby was created out of love. She heard the door opening and looked up to see her husband. Fright gripped her throat when she saw the blank and defeated look on his face; his eyes were dull and seemed to stare right through her. "Jean-Luc? What did the Admiral want?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but not a sound came out. He shook his head almost lethargically but could not bring himself to take another step towards his wife.

"Jean-Luc?" Her voice now held an urgency brought on by fear and she stood up to go to him and wrap her arms around him.

"I…tried…failed." Picard took a deep breath and closed his eyes, burying his face in Beverly's red hair. "They're going to court martial her."


	9. Chapter Thirty Two Revelations pt I

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Yeah sorry you had to wait I kinda forgot about posting this last friday *gulp* It's once again one of the longer chapters (and about time at that too), less intense than the last couple though :)  
The way it's looking now there are about ten more chapters to go, but that could become more, or less...it all depends.  
I'm also a little sad to say that there's going to be more time between one post and the next, for a number of reasons with which I won't bore you. Now, I hope you'll enjoy this one and maybe even   
review? :)  
  
Rating: down to PG-13 for this one  
Disclaimers: still breathing last time I checked them *g*  
  


Oh, one last thing...it's DATA!!! *ack* I never write Data, ever...but he forced his way in like a freakin' mosquito (no offence of course) into your bedroom...  
  
  
Now, onto less pleasant things:

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**Chapter Thirty Two: Revelations pt I**

In the darkness of the Enterprise's third Observation Lounge, Commander William Riker sat quietly at the head of the conference table, trying to control, then release the emotions surging through him but failing at both.

He had been, since early childhood, a man of deeds rather than words and had always avoided talking about his inner feelings. Now however, he could really do with a counselor. Only, as faith would have it, the only one who he trusted was not available.

A sigh of frustration escaped him and was soon followed by the first signs of tears when he couldn't drag his mind away of the state Deanna had been in when she had returned to the Enterprise. The medical reports he'd read, as few and vague as they were, still gave enough facts to build a theory on…and it wasn't a pretty one

~*+*~

The mood in the main Observation Lounge was grave, brought on solely by the grim set of the features of Captain Picard and his wife. The Captain regarded the assembled officers for several long moments while deciding on how best to inform his crew. "I received a communiqué from Admiral Necheyev earlier. She recalled the Enterprise to Derona III where Captain Troi will face charges of treason in the first degree."

"WHAT?!" The exclamation was unanimous, the only one not vocalizing his surprise was Data, but even he carried a shocked expression.

"If I may inquire Sir; on what bases?"

"The attacks on Starbases 24 and 25."

"But Sir; investigations to discover the grouping responsible were inconclusive."

Picard nodded at the Commander, pleased to see that his calm and logical questions gave the rest of the staff something to focus their attention on. "New evidence suggests that the Black Dragon was responsible; Starfleet Command suspects they got the correct frequency of the shield modulations from Captain Troi."

Will winced each time the Captain addressed Deanna as Captain, ever since he'd found out about her promotion he had trouble believing it. Now it was utterly unimportant of course, but still the rank surprised him. 

"But they *know* she can't be held responsible for that!" They were the first words Beverly had spoken since being informed of her friend's predicament and they drew agreeing nods from everyone present.

"Over a thousand people –officers and civilians—died during the attacks; Command needs someone to put the blame on."

"This is ridiculous! If they want to blame someone, why don't they blame Thomas and his fucked up gang!"

Despite agreeing with the words, Jean-Luc decided to ignore Riker's forceful exclamation. "Data, I'd like you to do the research. Jaka, please assist him. Kate, I'd like you to look into the effect of each drug Deanna was administered as well as how her psychic powers could have attributed to her 'training'. We're going to cover this from every angle possibly. You're dismissed."

Half the group stood up and demurely left the Observation Lounge; their faces set in identical expressions of disbelief and shock. The three remaining officers allowed the silence to settle in for a short while, using the respite to gather their thoughts. "Captain, I would like to volunteer to act as Captain Troi's advisor." Data offered eagerly.

"I have already requested the Council's commission to defend her myself, but I'm sure I could use the help Data." Jean-Luc informed the android with a grateful nod.

"Of course Sir."

Now that Data too left the room, Picard and Riker were left alone and the former was painfully reminded of the information his wife had shared with him not thirty minutes earlier. "Commander?"

"Captain…how is Deanna?"

"Shaken and frightened."

~*+*~

Beverly Picard took a deep breath and rubbed her swollen belly as the doors opened to reveal the interior of her best friend's quarters. As she expected the only illumination came from the stars. Deanna was sitting in a comfortable chair facing the viewports, her hair down and a simple, loose, white dress covering her body. "How're you holding up?"

The Counselor turned to face her wearing a worrying blank expression. "All right." Beverly couldn't help but disagreeing and by the brief change of expression she knew Troi had picked up on her thought. 

"I need to talk to you Dea." This was the dreaded talk and there was no way she could postpone telling Deanna any more. She would probably already have experienced some symptoms and she would most likely start showing within the next two to three weeks at most. Beverly led her friend to the couch and sat down next to her; their knees touching. She took Troi's hand in her own, glancing at the healed nails as she did so and tried to look into the black eyes that were fixed on the surface of the purple/grey couch. "I have to tell you something, and I wish I wouldn't, but there's no avoiding it…" She allowed her voice to trail off and waited for Deanna to look up, which she did within seconds. Swallowing one last time she could all but whisper "You're pregnant."

Cold black eyes regarded her for a long moment, moving from one side to the other as if reading thoughts and emotions like reading a book. "No."

Surprised by the Betazoid's calm conviction, Beverly was at loss for what to say. "You must have noticed the symptoms by now." She said after a short pause.

Deanna shook her head almost sadly. "They're echoes, nothing more." Mulling over her words the Doctor hit the conclusion that the empath had known about the abortion all along. "Of course I have. Betazoid women are aware of their child as soon as its brain begins to develop. I was terrified that Thomas would find out; I couldn't figure out if he'd allow me to have it and then raise the child to his own standards, or kill it before it even saw the first rays of light. Then one morning I woke up and felt the emptiness inside me and I knew he'd chosen for abortion. No words have ever been uttered about it."

She took a deep breath and forced her tears back, squarely looking the weeping Doctor in her eyes. "So you see, the symptoms, the feelings I feel now are just echoes from what I felt then. Postponed trauma."

"Oh Deanna!" Beverly enveloped her in a tight hug of sympathy, not even noticing that her friend was as stiff as a board. "But, you are pregnant, again." She said through her tears. "Instruments show you're about seven weeks along."

Troi shrugged non-committal and stood up. "Oh."

"'Oh'? Is that all you have to say?" Mrs. Picard followed her to the door. "'Oh'?"

"Yes."

"I can't believe you're so indifferent." Beverly almost huffed. "You were always so compassionate… what happened to that woman?" 

For long, frightening moments Deanna seemed to stare right through her. "She disappeared when you left her behind with that monster. I'd like to be alone now." She indicated to the now open doors, her face still blank and composed.

"We did not leave you Dea!" Beverly exclaimed in shock. "We searched for you for months!"

"You didn't search hard enough." Troi shot back. Her voice finally betraying the anger she felt.

"How can you say that?! Every one worked twice as hard as ever before! Geordi and Data were continually trying to adapt the sensors to pick up the Hydra. Jaka worked herself to exhaustion trying to modify a torpedo so that it would disable the shields with one hit and Jean-Luc hardly slept! He'd spend night after day after night on the Bridge doing everything in his power to get you back!"

Her unintentional outburst send Deanna's emotions reeling inside her and it took her a moment to focus and think coherently again. Beverly watched as her friend's shoulders slumped and her face fell into resignation. "You're right." Deanna admitted flatly after a short silence. "At least you did something to rescue me. I thank you for that, honestly. But I'd like to be alone now."

Unsure what to make of her tone and words, Beverly obeyed to her wishes and slowly backed out of the cabin. "You're not alone Dea, please remember that." She whispered before the doors closed in front of her face.

As soon as she was secluded from the view of her friend Deanna dropped herself unceremoniously onto the floor and allowed any and all emotions and thoughts to rage freely through her, not noticing the doors sliding open once more and Beverly Picard returning to her side. The Doctor's encouragements and gentle touches were lost on her senses. There were no more tears left in her and she found herself even unable to –think- about what consequences her pregnancy would have and so she just lay curled up on the floor, staring numbly at the grey wall until, eventually, she fell into a slight slumber.

~*+*~

In his quest to become more like his human companions Data had since a couple of years developed the habit of watching the stars for at least forty-seven and a half minutes per ship's day-cycle. Like his friends he used the time to reflect on the day as well as look ahead to the up-coming events. This time however, he found himself thinking about the upcoming trial Deanna Troi was about to face.

Doctor Soong had created him to conform to Federation protocol. Dozens of little subroutines both forced him to follow whatever order he was given and yet at the same time gave him the freedom to object to those orders, if, of course, he had valid reasons for doing so.

Because of that, as well as because of his complete knowledge of Federation and Starfleet law and protocol Data could understand, on a purely intellectual level, why Starfleet had chosen to prosecute Troi. But on a personal level and as a fellow Starfleet officer he was dumbfounded. Starfleet council must be aware of the Counselor's lack of control.

He hadn't seen much of Troi since she had been returned to the ship. Aside from a few visits and encounters during shifts he had not seen her and through observation he'd come to the conclusion that she spend most of her time in solitude.

That was why he felt a measurement of surprise when he heard the doors open behind him, soon followed by the distinct smell of the Counselor. His surprise grew when she crossed the empty Lounge and came to stand next to him. "Hello Data."

"Deanna." He greeted in return. "How are you?"

"I'm fine Data, thank you for asking." If it hadn't been her appearance that gave her away -her skin paler, her eyes unfocused and lifeless curls hanging down her back- her voice would surely have. Data had often heard fellow crewmembers and friends describe Troi's voice as melodious, musical and one ensign who had been particularly enamored with her had described her voice as the tinkling of Elfin bells as the welcome the sun at the crack of dawn. Why the ensign had felt that that particular analogy fit was beyond Data; after all, there had been no prove that Elves existed so how could the ensign know how elfin bells sounded? "What do you see out there Data?"

Her question surprised him in so far an android could be surprised. "Stars."

"Besides the stars?"

"Two planets, seven mid-sized moons and four-hundred fifty-seven—" A gentle laugh interrupted his rendition of what he saw and his positronic net immediately pointed out that he hadn't heard the Counselor laugh for a very long time.

"It's good to know that some things never change." Deanna remarked with amusement lacing her voice. Data wanted to ask whether she was referring to the continent of the space he saw or to his reaction, but did neither and waited. "I meant what do you *see* out there Data? Your future or your past? Or something else all together?"

He considered her question and came to the conclusion that it wasn't very different from what Guinan had been so fond of while traveling through a nebula. He'd often found her staring out the view ports and naming the shapes of clouds as the Enterprise drifted through them. He accessed his databanks and started to put together an answer that would satisfy the Counselor when he realized that she didn't care what exactly the answer was, as long as there was an answer.

Keeping this new discovery in mind he answered her. "I believe I see uncertainty. There are many things out there of which I have no knowledge. I cannot know if they are benevolent or evil or even life-threatening." The philosophical statement surprised even him, but Troi seemed to be rather…proud?

"Does that scare you?"

"Counselor, I have no emotions, therefore I cannot be scared." At her scolding look he amended, a little. "It worries me. I do not wish to see my friends or hurt, nor do I wish my own demise. Yet I am curios and eager to learn." He turned towards her and found her looking up at him with what seemed to be an expectant gaze. "Your tutelage has helped me understand the psyche of most humanoids and I understand why the unknown would both thrill and scare them. But as an android I do not have emotions, yet I share their opinion. Does this mean that I do have emotions, or am I simply mimicking what I believe to be human?"

Troi contemplated on his question for exactly twelve point eighty-seven seconds. "I cannot answer that for you Data."

"Then what do you see in the stars Counselor?"

"I don't know anymore." Her voice dropped an octave. "I see fear and doubt. The uncertainty of what tomorrow will bring. I see—" She stopped herself short. "The Captain told me you volunteered to help him defend me. Thank you."

"You are most welcome. It was not your fault, therefore our chances are good." Her unconvinced smile did not fool him, but he allowed her to believe it did. "We are discussing our strategy at oh-nine-hundred hours in the Captain's Ready Room. You can join us if you wish."

"I'll think about it." She was about to say something more when the doors opened to admit the First Officer. 

Data, with his superior sight, could see how Troi tensed up as Riker called her name. "Do you wish me to stay Deanna?"

"No, I will be all right. Sleep well Data."

He almost reminded her that he did not require sleep, but thought the better of it. "Likewise Counselor."

She watched as the android left and exchanged greetings with Riker on his way out. Data had long since been one of her 'pet-projects' as Beverly called it, simply because she enjoyed teaching him and learning from him and often during times of emotional stress she found it easier to be in his presence than anyone else's because she couldn't sense him.

Wills love and concern sliced through whatever lingering thoughts she might have had and forced her attention on him. Even now, after what felt like thousands of unofficial counseling sessions with Beverly and a handful with Jean-Luc, she still felt the gut wrenching fear when looking at the man who used to be her best friend.

She knew he hurt because of her, but she was unable to look past his boyish grin and blue eyes and although Thomas and Will had grown to be as different as night and day, they're minds still felt very much alive. "Will."

"Deanna."

Self-consciously her hand dropped to her abdomen as she remembered Beverly's words of the night before. 'You can't hide it for long Dea…sooner or later he's going to find out and he will come up with his own set of conclusions.' Lowering her eyes to the floor she took a deep breath and prepared herself for a long and emotionally draining night. "We need to talk." 

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TBC…if I get more than three reviews *muahahaha*

D. *enjoying her little blackmail*

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	10. Chapter Thirty Three Revelations pt II

**Chapter Thirty Three: Revelations pt II**

"And?"

Apparently the few minutes she'd taken to compose herself in the turbolift hadn't served their purpose. Jean-Luc saw right through her façade. Amazing how attuned to her he'd become. Never in a million years had she expected marriage to change him this drastically. Privately speaking of course; on duty he was still very much The Captain with whom she had served for over a decade.

She sat had sat down across from him, her favorite snacks were stalled out on the table between them and she absentmindedly took a delicacy from the nearest plate and took small bites. "She took it well."

The contradiction in her voice wasn't lost on him, but he didn't prod and watched as she picked up a strawberry. Looking at him, his eyes shining with love, worry and sympathy, she was suddenly reminded of the times he'd come to her to thank her for saving his life again. After the Borg and his ordeal with Madred especially.

A flicker of hope reached her eyes. Like no one else, Jean-Luc would know what Troi was going through. The resignation that had been so evident in her features earlier, had been present in Picard's too, during his recoveries. He too had at one point simply floated along with whatever was being done to him, not caring anymore. Between long hours of counseling and affection, she and Deanna had helped him heal.

Never had she been so aware of the necessity of a counselor aboard as she had been during that time. Yes, she was quite sure she'd found a solution to Deanna's refusal to seek counseling. "What is it?"

"What?" She smiled innocently, for the moment enjoying the relaxed teasing.

"That flicker in your eyes. I've seen it before; I'm in trouble, am I not?"

She shook her head and leaned back in her chair, chewing slowly on the chocolate in her mouth. "No" she said after swallowing the last bit, drawing the word out to get his full attention "I was just thinking…Deanna isn't allowing herself to heal Jean-Luc. Oh she did a good job by herself so far, but she's reached an impasse and she's refusing to seek help."

"There's nothing we can do then Beverly. If she denies there's a problem…" He trailed off, remembering a time when he too, had refused help. Until Deanna had somehow maneuvered him into admitting to need help. A counselor was powerless when the patient refused to admit there was a problem. One would think that a counselor, of all people, would seek help. But then, doctors were the worst patients by default; that might just as well be true for counselors.

He looked into his wife's face, her eyes showing concern, but with a fair amount of triumph. What was she up to? She leaned forward as much as her belly would allow and locked her blue eyes on his. "You know what she's going through Jean. Maybe she'll listen to you."

Startled he blinked, opened his mouth and then closed it again. "No…no, I don't know what she's going through! Our experiences are completely different!" He regretted his outburst immediately and was about to apologize when he realized that his wife hadn't even been surprised. Had she expected him to react this way?

"No Jean. What the Borg did to you is in essence, no different from what Thomas did to Deanna. You were both stripped from your identities, you both suffered because of that and like her, you needed a long time to recover. And you too were being court-martialed from something that was out of your hands." Beverly smiled assuring and let a hint of mischief creep into her voice to ease the anxiety he must be feeling, "I could go on, but I think you're getting the point."

"Yes…but, you know I'm not comfortable—"

"You wouldn't have been a year ago." She cut him off resolutely. "You'll do just fine.

Jean-Luc raised his hands in surrender and stood up, giving in to the urge to pace. "What if I make it worse?"

"You won't. Just show her that she's not alone and remind her of what she did for you." He shook his head, knowing full well that no he couldn't decline.

"For you Madame." He gave her a tender kiss and rested his hand on her belly for a long moment. 

She watched him leave. "And for yourself." She whispered into the empty room, hoping that by doing this he would finally close those chapters of his life. She knew, from Deanna's reactions and from what he told her, that Jean-Luc would sometimes, rare and far apart as they were, still have nightmares and flashbacks.

~*+*~

As Riker settled himself in one of the seats Deanna forced her mind to relax. Her attempts were mostly thwarted simply because she was unable to separate the now and the then with him at such close proximity, but she achieved a small measure of success and hoped that it would be enough to guide her through this meeting.

She sat down across of him and tried to dispel the urge to run. Unsure of where to start she chose to reach out with her mind instead. Repeating to herself, like a mantra, that he wasn't Tom. Before she had a chance to analyze and decipher what she found however, Will spoke. "Dea…I want to…apologize." She could sense how difficult it was for him to control himself, his anger was boiling like crazy underneath his familiar exterior, as was his urge to hold her tight against him. "I should have left, the second I saw that my presence reminded you of…that my presence upset you."

"You couldn't have known." Deanna replied after a brief pause, surprising herself at how calm her voice sounded. "And I couldn't bring myself to tell you." Looking up at him, she tried to smile but by his reaction she could tell she hadn't succeeded.

"What did he do to you?"

"Will" How could she possibly tell him? His anger was already so strong that she feared it might consume him if it got even stronger. And if she told him about what Thomas had done to her…she shuddered to think what that knowledge would do to their friendship, fragile as it already was.

"Please, Imzadi, I need to know." 

Her fingers flexed, stretching, then curling into fists. The endearment brought back more memories than she had thought possible and none of them carried the warm and loved feeling she had associated with the word before. "Please don't call me that."

"What?" Stunned by her request Will tried to peer into her lowered eyes. Imzadi had always been a word of comfort and friendship, although at one point it had meant more than that. "Why not?"

_Come one Imzadi…I know you want me. I know that you can feel me inside your mind. Be a good girl Imzadi and please your Master._ Deanna trembled with the resurfacing fear and repulse, but managed to keep her composure. "Just don't Will, please."

He nodded, albeit reluctantly and abided to her wishes. "Deanna…I read some of the reports, but please, I want to know what he did; he *is* me, in a way."

"No!" She almost jumped to her feet. "You are not Th—him! I know you're not."

"Yet I scare you." 

The statement was so matter-of-factly that is startled Deanna. "I…I can't help it Will. I'm sorry.""

"No. Don't be. Dea, you know that what happening wasn't your fault." His calmness, the affection and love he radiated felt so wrong, so alien coming from that man…she shook her head. This was Will…her best friends, her colleague, she'd often felt those emotions from him. They were true and right. The reasoning calmed her a bit, but she knew that the sooner she told him of her pregnancy the safer it was for her and her baby.

Her baby.

The words provoked a dizzying swirl of emotions and images; some memories from her short time of raising Ian, others from dreams and again others were solely made up by her imaginations. "Yes, yes I do know that." She answered finally. "Will" She had to tell him, for his sake, for hers. Taking a deep breath she forced her eyes on his again. "there's something I need to…tell you."

Will tilted his head slightly to one side, watching her with too familiar blue eyes. 'What made me ever think I could handle this?' Troi questioned herself. Then, remembering Thomas calling her weak and forcing her to go down on him, she strengthened her resolve; eyes hardening, muscles tensing and her breathing evening out. Emotions were useless where Riker was concerned, certainly when she had to tell him about her baby.

"Deanna?"

She nodded once, acknowledging his question. "I'm pregnant Will." Deanna congratulated herself for sounding so matter-of-factly and focused her attention on Will's reaction, only looking at his face and refusing to listen to the thoughts that floated into her mind. The inhibitor was wearing off apparently. Might as well, she was sick of the foggy feeling it gave her anyway.

His distinct features went from surprise to disbelieve to shock. "You're…what?! How?!"

"Well Will, sure you know how to make babies." Whatever possessed her to go with sarcasm she didn't know. The joke, bad as it wasn't, wasn't at all appreciated by her companion. Which wasn't that strange because she cringed at it herself too. The situation was not one to joke about; she knew that better than anyone. 

"Dea!" His scolding tone cut through her mind, bringing with it unwelcome memories. What the hell had she been thinking when she'd told Beverly that she could distinguish Will and Thomas? She dropped her gaze in acknowledgement and waited for him to speak. "How did it happen?"

How indeed.

Well, a more accurate question would be *when*. Beverly had told her that the drugs she'd been given had somehow counteracted the effect of her six-monthly anti-conception hypo, but that wasn't what Will was asking. And she too had wondered *when*. Which day? Which time? "It just did."

"And you agreed to it?"

"WHAT?!" Deanna's head snapped up. Did he just ask if she had *agreed* on having a child?! Will realized his mistake mere seconds later, but the shock was too fresh in his mind for him to rectify it. "How dare you ask  me that!"

"Dea I'm sorry. I'm just shocked." Standing up now they held each other's gaze, but only for seconds because she turned away. "I mean…you're having a baby." 'and it's not mine' the thought remained unspoken. Then again, it occurred to him, that in a way the child was his. Genetically speaking anyway.. "I guess…" He hesitated, not sure if what he was about to ask her would be received well. "I'd like to assume the father-role."

Startled her eyes met his, surprise shone in them. Whether of the good or bad kind, Riker couldn't tell. Her answer however made that very clear. "No."

"Why not? Thomas is, was my duplicate so in a way the child's mine too."

"No. And will you stop saying that!" The vehemence in her voice seemed out of place and silenced him briefly.

"Why not?"

A harsh snort brutally cut through the quiet conversation and surrounding silence. Deanna debated with herself whether to answer or not. She wanted to scream at him, revealing what Thomas had put her through, so that maybe he would leave her alone, at least for a while. Yet another part of her was telling not to. His pity was bad enough to deal with as it was, she didn't want to increase it. For her sake more than his. "I said no Will."

"Yes, I heard that." His voice was no as cold as hers. "I'd like an explanation though." 'I always imagined that if I'd ever have children you would be the mother Imzadi, this may be my only chance to fulfil that dream, please don't take that from me.' He wondered, hoped, that Deanna would pick up on his thoughts, but if she did, there were no hints.

"An explanation? Fine. I don't want you to be the father Will, because you look exactly like the man who raped and abused me and fathered my baby." She left the rest unspoken, not trusting her own voice, which had gotten shriller with each word.

Again Riker fell silent. He had suspected, because of the injuries, yet hearing her say it aloud made a definite impact on him. "But I'm not Thomas."

"That's not what you said a minute ago." A wry smile accompanied the remark; a sign of resignation instead of the deviance he'd been expected.

"You know what I meant."

"Yes. Yes I did. Goodnight Will."

~*+*~

According to the computer, Deanna was in Ten-Forward, so that was where he headed. After leaving his wife in their quarters he'd gone to the Bridge and finished reading, evaluating and writing the daily reports. An often tedious, but necessary task, but today he was grateful for the work. It gave him the necessary time and distraction to put his thoughts into order. The task Beverly had given him unnerved him a great deal, though not as much as it once would have and a part of him was glad that he could do something for Deanna to repay her in a small measure for what she'd done for him after numerous events in the past.

When he first met her, a six months before the Enterprise-D had been commissioned, he'd been opposed to the idea of having a counselor on the Senior Staff and although he had altered his opinion little by little when she offered valuable insights in situations and helped his crew through emotionally trying times. But until the Borg he had never truly appreciated the complexity of her position.

And now he could do something in return and he surprised himself with the relieve he felt.

He found her just outside of the Lounge, leaning against the grey wall. Her eyes were closed and she was tapping two fingers against the skin behind her ear. She'd explained to him once why she did that, but the memory eluded him. "Counselor, are you all right?"

Startled she jumped to attention, then relaxed and blushed slightly with embarrassment. "Yes. Can I help you?"

Her question, familiar as it was, surprised him. She was off-duty and the look in her eyes screamed that she wanted to be alone, yet she still was willing to help him. "No…I just came to see how you were doing."

Her features hardened slightly; a testimony to how often she'd been asked that question and how annoying it was becoming. He knew, he'd been there. "I'm fine Captain."

"Join me for a drink?"

She tilted her head and contemplated for a while, then softly accepted. When he turned towards the Lounge however she stopped him. "No, please, we can go to my quarters." Surprised he followed her but not without glancing through the windows in the doors and seeing his First Officer staring at the stars.


	11. Chapter Thirty Four Lean on Me

Hmm...yes I'm straying from my friday-fetish where Xiara is concerned...I hope you don't mind, if you do; sent complain e-mails to Pia and Gloria *g*  
Now, I've run this by a couple of ppl, the first scene anyway, and the opinions were devided. Personally I think it works pretty well if you keep previous events into consideration :-)  
  
Disclaimer...I'm really not in the mood to be sued...pretty please?  
Note: Stupid 'title' I know, but it popped up and wouldn't leave me alone *sigh*  
Next chapter: deadline set for Friday 26th sept.  
Update: the entire story (Xiara I included) now contains about 85.000 words...if you're surprised, double it and then you know my reaction *ggg*  
Reviews: Even after 85.000 words, still as much cherished as the first one :) Flames, criticism and downright brownnosing included ;-D  
  
Now, on with the story :)

**Chapter Thirty-Four: Lean on Me**

With his hands clasped behind his back, Captain Picard followed his Counselor and former First Officer to her quarters, where she offered him a seat and ordered drinks for both of them from the replicator. She handed him a glass of tea and sat down across from her, slowly sipping the yellow-ish drink she'd gotten herself.

A little too self-conscious for his liking, Jean-Luc tried to figure out what he should say next. This was unlike any situation he'd ever been in and worse, one where his instincts seemed to fail him. "Deanna, I…I wanted to let you know that Data has offered to defend you as well."

"You already told me that, sir." Her voice was filled with teasing tones, and Jean-Luc felt his cheeks flush.

"Yes, I suppose I did." He recovered and decided that honesty was really his only option, not just because Troi was an empath, but also because she knew him better than most people alive. "I wanted to let you know that I know what you're going through." Thin ice there. Her features hardened, and her eyes glittered with barely contained anger. Knowing that he had to say something before she exploded, Jean-Luc stood and crossed the room.

"I know you don't want to hear it, I didn't want to hear it either. I didn't think anyone could possibly understand what I'd been through, and all I wanted was to be left alone." Her anger seemed to be fading, giving way to curiosity and sympathy. "But you and Beverly stayed with me regardless, and you were always there when I woke up from a nightmare." 

It was true. She remembered it as vividly as he did. What he didn't know was that for the duration of his recovery she and Beverly had shared the quarters directly adherent to his, just in case something went wrong. His nightmares would often wake her up and she would make her way to his cabin, sitting with him as he battled his memories. 

"I hated you for it. I hated them for what they'd done to me, but I hated myself above everyone else. I remember screaming at you to leave me alone, but you wouldn't. I even hit you, and you still wouldn't leave." It was clear to her why he was telling her this. They'd covered it in counseling long ago, but he brought it back up for her sake, even though it made him remember. "You were there for me, both of you." He paused, gathering his thoughts and then continued. "What Thomas did to you…" she averted her eyes, "…you can't do this alone, Deanna. You wouldn't let me, and I won't let you."

The memories had brought with them dark emotions and they, combined with her captain's sympathy, affection and concern pounded against her shields, but despite what she sensed, she felt anger at what he was suggesting. "No! I *can*. I have to."

He took her by her shoulders, his frustration rising at her stubbornness. "Deanna, you can't deal with this on your own, believe me, I know!" His exclamation was more forceful than he had intended, but the situation brought back unpleasant memories and he found himself being pulled into them.

The exclamation startled Deanna, and despite realizing that what she was doing was wrong she could not stop herself from reacting the way she'd been taught to. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against Picard's, her tongue sneaking out of its own accord. Shocked, Jean-Luc froze, and then pushed Troi away from him. "What the hell was that?!" He watched numbly as she fell onto the couch, trying to comprehend what just happened. "Counselor?"

"I…I don't…I'm sorry sir." She flew from the living area and disappeared into her bedroom, the door closing behind her.

"Merde." What now? His instinct was to leave, the situation had been uncomfortable enough but after that kiss…why the hell had she kissed him anyway? He knew of her 'training', but everyone had been convinced that Deanna had overcome that.

That the episode with Will Riker several days ago had caused a relapse was understandable… perhaps this was simply the aftermath? Beverly had said…oh god, Beverly. What the hell was he going to tell her? He stared at the bedroom door and decided to wait for Deanna to come out.

When minutes had passed without a sign of life from her he began to feel uneasy. What was she doing in there? He remembered wanting to kill himself after the Borg, after yelling at Beverly and hitting Deanna. Was she going through the same thing? Did she, too, felt the guilt eating at her?

It was incredibly selfish of him, but a part of him was grateful to have someone who could really understand the horror he'd been through. Even if it was a decade and a half later, and even if the circumstances were somewhat different. The parallels existed, however, and there were a lot more similarities than he'd thought of.

Making up his mind he called for security and had them release the door. To his relief Troi seemed to be all right. She sat huddled against the wall, her knees drawn up to her chest, her long curls mostly obscuring his view of her face. "Deanna?"

"Please, please let me stay." It took him a number of seconds to realize she feared he'd have her transferred for what she did, and for some stupid reason it hurt that she thought he would be able to just send her away.

He stood in the doorway and tried to figure out what to do next. His inorganic heart was still beating rapidly, but he felt strangely calm. "Of course."

She tilted her head upwards and looked at his offered hand through her tears. He pulled her to her feet and more or less guided her back to the living area where he replicated her a box of tissues. "I'm sorry Captain, I don't know what came over me." 

He gave her a few minutes of silence to groom herself. "I think you do." As he'd expected she turned away to hide her emotions from him. He hadn't seen her so evasive before but he'd known to expect it. Patiently he waited for Deanna to react. When she didn't he broke the silence again. "Why did you kiss me Counselor?"

"I…" She fumbled nervously at the sleeve of her dress. "Thomas, he…he taught me to react to his mood." Her eyes were trained on the floor at a point just before his feet. "When he was angry or frustrated I was to come to him and make him relax." Deanna allowed her thoughts to drift and banned all emotion from her conscious thought. "When I didn't get to him fast enough he'd beat me." She didn't feel it when Jean-Luc took her by her elbow and sat her down on the couch, or when he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest. Her mind was numb to anything and everything. She wasn't even aware that she was speaking her thoughts aloud.

Picard held her, still uncomfortable and unsure of what to do, but immensely relieved that she was finally talking. He wondered if perhaps he should contact Beverly, but figured that she had probably predicted that he would stay away until early in the morning.

He listened to her words and willed himself not to react. That someone was able to treat another living creature with such disrespect and cruelty was beyond him. That a man would do that to a woman he claimed to love was absolutely incomprehensible. He cringed at the terms she used and shuddered at the situations she described, but he didn't allow himself to think about them more thoroughly.

There were no words to offer comfort with; all he could do was hold her in a loose embrace and try to keep his emotions as bland as possible. Deanna fell silent, and when she didn't seem to be able to continue Jean-Luc got up and replicated a glass of water for her.

She drank it gratefully, but then suddenly became aware of the situation and froze. "I'm sorry sir, I didn't mean to force all that upon you."

Picard stared at the haggard-looking empathy, surprised by her apology. "Stop that." His soft, scolding tone got her to look up at him. "Stop apologizing Deanna. You need to talk, and despite my discomfort, I do want to help you. I know how hard it is to talk, especially to someone who hasn't had a similar experience."

Deanna nodded slightly, relief shining in her black eyes. "Thank you, that means a lot to me."

He nodded and sat back down, no longer touching her but close enough to be able to reach out. "What else do you remember?" Troi closed her eyes. As much as she wanted to forget she knew and had realized that she never would. Drawing a last deep breath she continued.

~*+*~

Walking into the Lounge Geordi LaForge surveyed the various humanoids scattered throughout the room, looking for a familiar energy pattern. His mind was still spinning with thousands of numbers, equations and other little, but extremely important information blocks. 

He'd spend the last couple of hours comparing sensor logs from the Enterprise with the retrieved logs of the destructed starbases and was in serious need of a break. He found Doctor Pulaski in the far corner and made his way to her. A number of padds were scattered about the table's surface and the frowns edging in Kate's forehead suggested that she needed a break as much as he did. "Hey Doc."

"Geordi, have a seat." She nodded to the chair on the other side of the table. He pulled it back and was surprised by some unusual but familiar energy readings. Realizing that they were but a few pads he chuckled and put them on the table as well.

Sitting down he began to stack the pads. "I thought the Lounge is a place where people are supposed to relax?"

Kate sighed and put down whatever she'd been working on. "It's not easy to relax for a Doctor, period. Even less so when she's confronted with a mystery."

"A mystery?" His interest piqued LaForge leaned closer. His readings of the Doctor's face fluctuated, drooping down a bit before returning to what for him were 'normal parameters'.

"Yes…I thought I'd worked out the purpose and effect of each drug found in Deanna's blood. But when I was archiving them I came across a tiny viral body. There's nothing like it in any medical database and although is has a construction nearly identical to that of the Zanthi-virus there are a number of significant differences."

"Zanthi-virus?"

"Hmm…It's a virus often attracted by older Betazoids. It originated from the Zanthi-springs on Betazed. When attracted the Betazoid metaconscious projects emotions onto bystanders. Lwaxana attracted it during a trip to Deep Space Nine and caused some…unusual situations."

"Like?"

"Well, from what I understand she unknowingly enforced some of the emotions she sensed, thereby causing people to act on what was simple physical attraction."

"Oh." Yes, he could see how that would lead to 'situations'. Maybe he could ask Miles about that sometime, it sure sounded rather interesting. "Then how was the virus you found different?"

"Well" Pulaski shuffled through the stack of padds, then fished one out and handed it to him. "the Zanthi-virus would not have affected Deanna, but this virus did." Her finger, as she pointed at one of the graphics, was bright orange against the dark-blue of the cold, inorganic material. "Her blood contained a number of anti-bodies, which don't appear to have been effective."

Geordi studied the contents of the padd in his hands, but was unable to process the information. The equations the Doctor had written down were nothing like the ones he'd been studying all day. "Where you able to determine what effect the virus must've had?"

"No. The RNA that I located gives little information, other than that it doesn't have the same symptoms as the original virus. The structure shows that it was non-lethal; which makes sense because Thomas was bound on keeping her with him."

He nodded sadly, thinking about the days Lieutenant Riker had been on board. He remembered that most of the crew had been keeping an eye on him and the Counselor. It was no secret that her and Commander Riker had been involved at some point and the ship's grapevine was usually buzzing with rumors about their relationship; past, present or future. A second Will Riker had resulted in the wildest conjectured stories since the ship had left Utopia Planetia, Geordi was certain.

"I'd almost wish we could test it on someone."

"But we can! It shouldn't be impossible to have the compute run a simulation of what would happen on the holodeck."

"I thought about that…but with all it's sophistication, a computer can't possible simulate emotions."

"But if we provided enough background…"

Kate shook her head again. "Then we'd influence the results." Her sigh was only slightly louder than his. "I'll just have to run more analyses."

"After a stiff drink." Geordi added quickly, realizing how dry his mouth was.

"After a stiff drink.' She amended, once again stacking the pads; the analyses could wait a few minutes.

~*+*~

Although already five minutes late for the 0800 meeting Jean-Luc decided to stop by his quarters first to change into a clean uniform and check up on his wife. As he'd expected she was still sound asleep. Due to her pregnancy she slept a lot longer than usual and it was a good thing that she'd taken on the Beta-shifts for most of the time. It sometimes required some juggling with duty-rosters to be able to spend more than a few minutes together during daytime because Sickbay ran on shifts of six hours instead of eight, but now the shorter shifts were definitely beneficial.

He kissed her forehead, brushing a few red locks out of the way, and watched as she stirred. He remained watching her for longer than he could afford; longer than he would have, had he not spent hours listening to one of his close friends telling him the horrors she'd been through.

It were times like this, when something would harshly remind him of all the unjust and terror in the galaxy, that he'd take comfort in her presence and that she reminded him that despite the horror and the pain, there was still love and beauty.

If the choice had been his he would've stayed to watch her wake up, but the ship needed his attention and thus he settled for leaving a small note on his pillow. On his way to the Bridge his thoughts drifted back to Deanna. She'd been remarkably calm all through the night; there had been tears, but no crying, there had been some biting remarks, but no real anger and he couldn't figure out if that was because she had accepted and dealt with her memories or because she refused to deal with them.

And then there was the matter of her, so far undetected, amnesia. She'd told him that she didn't remember how she got back on the Enterprise and when he'd asked her if she'd tried to recall Deanna had quietly admitted that she didn't want to remember.

The doors to the Bridge opened, effectively interrupting his thoughts, and as he walked onto the command center he unconsciously pulled his uniform-jacket down. The ship's ETA for Darona III was thirteen hours and the first meeting with the opposing counsel and judges was twelve hours after that. But although he was convinced that he and Data would be able to defense Troi more than adequately, a sense of dread throbbed persistently in the pit of his stomach.


End file.
